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The Funeral Wake

Sunday, May 31st, 2009

Also known as “visitation,” “calling hours” and “waking the dead,” the funeral wake is a way to pay respect to the deceased. In the past, the wake was part social and partly practical, as – before funeral parlors and homes were created – the funeral often took place in the home of the deceased. Embalming often was not practiced, so someone needed to sit with the body to keep the bugs, flies, rats, dogs, cats and other curious and carnivorous animals – such as body snatchers – away from the corpse.

In addition, before embalming, there was a real fear that a person might be buried alive. A wake allowed that time before burial to make sure the corpse was, indeed, a corpse.

At this point, the history of the wake varies depending upon cultural and ethnic rituals and religion. Often, the history of the wake is tied to the Irish, where food and spirits and wailing, or keening, and long hours of visitation marked a friend’s passing. Today, however, many wakes are solemn affairs that are held at funeral homes and that include visiting the family and viewing the body before the funeral. Many times, however, family members or friends will hold a separate wake without the body at a private home or even at a bar or restaurant to celebrate the life of the deceased after the funeral.

Here are some tips about holding or attending a wake, or visitation:

  • Be sure to announce visitation hours and place of visitation in the obituary for the deceased. This way, you don’t have to worry about special invitations.
  • However, you may want to make sure that everyone close to the family has been notified about the death and visitation in person (by phone if at all possible to make the notice more personal).
  • Open caskets at a visition mean that the viewers are to pay respects. If, however, you feel you cannot view the body, then you can spare the family even more grief by abstaining. Do, however, pay respects to the family members who remain living.
  • You may find a guest book at a visitation. Sign your full name and address so family members can send a note of appreciation if they choose.
  • Although children often are asked to funerals (via “the family”), sometimes children may add more confusion and fear to the whole affair unless they’ve been accustomed to death in the family. A conversation with young children might be more appropriate than actually having them attend the funeral. Teens, however, should be permitted and encouraged to attend as part of family ritual.
  • If you plan to attend a wake in a private home or other public place, the point is to celebrate the life of the deceased and life in general, not to get so drunk to forget why you’re there in the first place. If you plan to drink heavily, please take a taxi or ask for a designated driver before attending. Leave the car keys at home. The last thing anyone needs after a wake is to plan for your wake.

Posted in Death & Dying, Death Practices, Funeral Arrangements, Funeral Basics, Grief and Grieving, Talking with Children, Traditions | 2 Comments »

Historic Funeral Traditions: Catholic

Sunday, May 31st, 2009

Few rituals have such historic meaning as those conducted by the Roman Catholic Church. The following list contains some historic Roman Catholic burial traditions. If these traditions have changed, that information is included as well; however, little has changed, especially concerning the reasons behind the rituals. The following information may help you to understand how the Roman Catholics view death and dying:

  • Roman Catholic funeral rites in the past included burning a light during the wake, or visitation of the body, and a small cross or a rosary with a cross placed in the deceased’s hands or the hands were arranged to form a cross over the chest.
  • The body, also, was sprinkled with holy water and the casket, during the funeral mass, was placed so the feet faced the altar. A priest’s casket, however, would be placed opposite, with the head towards the altar.
  • In the English Church, the funeral pall was regularly employed. A black cloth (the pall) was spread over the coffin while the obsequies, or funeral rites were performed for the deceased. It generally has a white cross worked through its entire length and width. The Roman Ritual does not prescribe its use in the burial of a priest or layman, but does so for the absolution given after a requiem when the body is not present. The “Ceremoniale Episcoporum” orders a black covering on the bed of state for a deceased bishop. It was once customary specially to invite people to carry the pall, or, at least, to touch its borders during the procession. These pall-bearers frequently had the palls made of very costly materials and these were afterwards made into sacred vestments. Formerly dalmatics, or even coverings taken from the altar, were used as a pall for a deceased pope, but, on account of abuses that crept in, this practice was suppressed. In the Council of Auxerre (578, can. xii) and in the statutes of St. Boniface, the pall hiding the body was forbidden.
  • The Catholic Church holds up as normative the rites contained in its ritual book The Order of Christian Funerals [PDF]. Normally, funeral rites include: a Vigil Service celebrated in the funeral home or the church, the Funeral Liturgy itself (in the church), and the Rite of Committal of the body at the cemetery. Despite being valuable expressions of faith, the Rosary and other traditions are not to replace the Vigil for the Deceased [PDF]. These devotions are acceptable in addition to the Vigil Service.
  • The Catholic Church prefers that the body of the deceased be present for the Vigil Service. In addition, the body of the deceased should be brought to the local parish church for the Funeral Mass. The Rite of Committal of the body normally takes place at the cemetery although the committal can be done at the end of the Funeral Mass. The body of the deceased is to be interred, either in the ground or in a crypt following the Funeral Mass.
  • In many areas, Catholic church members still are buried in Catholic cemeteries. But, Catholics were and still remain open to choose where they would like to be buried. However, non-Catholics cannot be buried in a Catholic cemetery, but if this is the only community cemetery, exceptions may be made. Like many other Christian cemeteries, the graves are laid on an east-west axis, with feet to the east to face the rising sun. A priest, deacon, or lay person may preside at the service for the interment.
  • Though brief, the rite of committal assists the bereaved at this most difficult time. This rite includes a short Scriptural verse, the prayer of committal, intercessions, Lord’s Prayer and a blessing. The lowering of the body into the grave or placement in the tomb or crematorium may take place following the prayer of committal or at the conclusion of the rite. A song affirming hope in the resurrection may conclude this rite. Those who wish may offer some gesture of leave-taking at this time, and – often – the ritual included visitors, family members and friends throwing a clod of dirt on the coffin to symbolize the body’s return to the earth.
  • Blessing of the burial ground may not be considered necessary if the burial takes place on consecrated ground such as a Catholic cemetery. When necessary, holy water may be sprinkled on the ground before the casket is lowered, then again on the casket in the ground. In some parishes, the leftover holy water may be distributed to family members to use in figure visits to the grave.
  • Although a Catholic person may claim rights to burial in another cemetery, the church suggests that this request be known before death. Otherwise, without knowledge of this wish, the body will be buried in a parish cemetery.
  • Only baptized persons who have a claim to Christian burial and the rites of the Catholic church can obtain a Catholic burial. According to the Catholic Encyclopedia: “Moreover no strict claim can be allowed in the case of those persons who have not lived in communion with the Church according to the maxim which comes down from the time of Pope Leo the Great (448) “quibus viventibus non communicavimus mortuis communicare non possumus” (we cannot hold communion in death with those who in life were not in communion with us). It has further been recognized as a principle that the last rites of the Church constitute a mark of respect which is not to be shown to those who in their lives have proved themselves unworthy of it.”
  • Others who have historically and are today excluded from Catholic burial include pagans, Jews, infidels, heretics (and their adherents), schismatics, apostates and excommunicated persons. In fact, if an excommunicated person is buried in a church or in consecrated land, the place is thereby desecrated, and, wherever possible, the remains must be exhumed and buried elsewhere.
  • Further, Catholic burial is to be refused to suicides (this prohibition is as old as the fourth century; cf. Cassian in P.L., XL, 573) except in case that the act was committed when they were of unsound mind or unless they showed signs of repentance before death occurred.
  • Cremation is not prohibited within the Catholic faith, but it may be frowned upon if it is discovered that the cremation was chosen for anti-Christian motives. Even when cremation is chosen, the Church
    recommends that the body of the deceased be present for the funeral rites. The presence of the human body better expresses the values that the Church affirms in the funeral rites. When cremation follows the liturgy, the funeral liturgy and other rites are celebrated as usual. When the body is cremated and committed soon after death, the rites of final commendation and committal are used at the appropriate times, even though occurring prior to the funeral liturgy. The vigil and other rites are also adapted, as necessary. The cremated remains of the body, due the same respect as the remains of the body, must be buried in a cemetery, entombed in a columbarium or buried at sea.

For more information about Catholic funeral rites, see the brochure [PDF] produced from a collaborative effort of the Federation of Diocesan Liturgical Commissions and the Archdiocese of Louisville Office of Worship.

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Posted in Cemeteries, Death & Dying, Death Practices, Funeral Arrangements, Graveyard Etiquette, History of Funerals, Traditions | 3 Comments »

Oregon Senator Seeks At-Home Burial Regulations

Friday, May 29th, 2009

According to a recent news article, a state lawmaker in Oregon wants to set some ground rules for at-home funerals. Oregon’s Mortuary and Cemetery Board is receiving more calls from people who cannot afford a traditional funeral and who are seeking a less expensive way to deal with a family death. Some families may opt for cremation, which still remains less expensive than a traditional funeral. Others, however, are asking about at-home funerals.

Democratic Senator Vicki Walker from Eugene, Oregon stated, “I did not know you could bury grandma in the backyard, which really alarmed me.” Therefore, Walker now is sponsoring a bill that would require home burials be on private property and to notify the state and whomever purchases the home in the future that someone is buried on the property.

Additionally, the bill requires that all death care consultants pass an exam and be licensed to operate. This is a portion of the bill that the Mortuary and Cemetery Board supports. Traditional funeral practitioners and embalmers must be licensed by the state, but death doulas or death midwives are not licensed in Oregon.

Oregon is home to at least five green burial companies, one undersea memorial business and definitely is silent [PDF] on the matter of private property burials. That last link also states that “State law places no specific restriction on the burial or scattering of processed cremated remains.” Despite the lax law regarding private home burials, the responsible funeral service practitioner (FSP) or “person acting as an FSP” must comply with ORS 432.307 to 432.333 pertaining to Death Certificates and Burial Permits.

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Posted in Alternatives, Cemeteries, Funeral Arrangements, Funeral Law | 1 Comment »

Historic Funeral Traditions: The Amish

Friday, May 29th, 2009

Although most people would identify the Amish with the known “Pennsylvania Dutch” settlement in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, there are many Amish communities located throughout the U.S. Because of their religious beliefs, Amish try to separate themselves from “outsiders” in efforts to avoid temptation and sin. They choose, instead, to rely on themselves and other members of their local Amish community.

As in life, Amish funerals always have been simple affairs, usually held at the home with no embalming (unless required by state law). While the traditional black crepe and funeral flowers often are eschewed, the Amish do follow the custom of wearing black (The tradition of wearing black during a funeral began when it was firmly believed that the color black makes the living less visible to the spirit world – see more in Supersitions About Death and Dying). With that said, the Amish usually wear dark clothes as a matter of daily affairs.

The following list contains some historic Amish burial traditions. If these traditions have changed, that information is included as well. Some Amish communities may not hold strictly to the old traditions, but – on the whole – the following may help you understand how the Amish view death and dying:

  • Four bearers were selected among the deceased’s friends. If the deceased was single, then single friends were chosen and married friends if the deceased was married. Today, the Amish may use a funeral home, but it would be a home that is familiar with Amish burial traditions. Many Amish communities will allow the embalming of the body by that undertaker, but some communities remain faithful for tending to the corpse. In all cases, no makeup is applied to the deceased.
  • The bearers were responsible for readying the home for the funeral, digging a grave and preparing the wagon to transport the body to the cemetery. Today, the wake and funeral still may be held in the home of the deceased or the family’s home, and graves still are dug by hand.
  • Today, the undertaker embalms the body, if required or requested, and normally dresses it in long underwear before placing it in the coffin and returning to the Amish family. The body is usually dressed in white clothing by family members of the same sex. For men, this usually means white pants, vest, and shirt; for women a white dress, cape, and apron. In many cases the white cape and apron is the same one she wore on her wedding day (Learn more about specific Lancaster County, Pennsylvania Amish customs). Usually, the final clothing is made by the family.
  • Caskets are plain pine boxes, wooden coffins made within the local community. They use simple pine boxes made locally instead of ornate coffins. The deceased is generally buried in the local Amish cemetery.
  • The body is viewed three times, a custom that has not changed: First at a small service at the home; then, at a larger service at a barn or church; finally, at the grave site.
  • The Amish funeral consisted of a sermon and prayers, but no eulogy or singing. Ministers may read hymns, however. After the simple ceremony, the preacher led the procession to the burial ground, either near the church or at a home plot, where the bearers lowered the coffin into the grave and filled the grave with the mourners watching. The preacher would then offer a benediction. The funerals were conducted entirely in Pennsylvania Dutch, a form of German.  Today, there is little change in these customs.
  • After the funeral, family and friends would return to the deceased’s home for a simple meal. This custom has not changed.
  • Historic Amish tombstones are plain and fairly uniform, with a simple epitaph that states the name, birth and death dates and age in years, months and days. The plots are bare, and usually no foliage is planted. Children usually are buried in unmarked graves or have small headstones that lie flat on the ground.  In some Amish communities, the elders maintain a map of the cemetery to identify occupants in each plot. Usually, this custom follows the community’s desire to avoid tombstones. These customs have changed little from the past.

Reasons behind these customs:

  • The Amish believe that the spirit has left the person’s physical body upon death, so they do not feel the need to commemorate the dead (as in a Memorial Day). Their intent is on praising God, even at death – hence the lack of eulogies.
  • An Amish funeral and burial is generally held three days after death, in the custom that it usually took three days to dig the grave.
  • The Old Order Amish do not have churches, so funerals are held in two locations. The smaller service is held in the home of the deceased, and then the body is taken to a separate place, usually a barn, for a larger service.
  • While the service focuses entirely on the concept of Christian resurrection and the hope of life after death, the Amish take part in every other part of saying goodbye as they tend to the grave, the body and to the home services.

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Posted in Cemeteries, Death & Dying, Traditions | 2 Comments »

How to Prepare a Corpse for an At-Home Funeral

Friday, May 29th, 2009

If you want a truly green funeral, then you need to learn how your ancestors went about preparing a corpse for a funeral. The methods below were practiced before undertakers (or funeral directors) took over the handling of the dead between 1850 and 1920. Old-time funerals were, perhaps, the greenest funerals ever.

The list below contains some practices used by American colonials. With each practice is a current option to help make your funeral (or a loved one’s funeral) as green and natural as possible.

  • Before embalming became a common practice in the U.S., the typical time between burial and death during the summer season was within twenty-four hours, as temperature has more impact on body decomposition than does time. Today, a funeral home may not require embalming unless it is state law. It is never required for the first 24 hours in any state; 22 states require embalming after 24, 48, or 72 hours, but refrigeration is usually an option. Refrigeration is not an option in Alaska, Minnesota or North Dakota. Remember that colonials usually buried a body where it fell, so transporting a body across interstate lines was not an issue two centuries ago. Check now about laws concerning body transportation before the inevitable happens.
  • Washing the body and dressing the corpse was more an act of love than a necessity in colonial times. To be blunt, the deceased loses all bodily functions at time of death, so cleaning the body may not be your cup of tea. But, in all cases it is necessary to eliminate odors. Today, with at-home corpse preparations, family members also can wash and dress a deceased loved one. Once again, you must check with state laws [PDF] to see how you can comply with at-home funerals.
  • You may discover many problems that colonials knew how to handle. For instance, vinegar may have been used to swab out the deceased’s mouth to help eliminate ‘death odor.’ Also, arms were folded across the chest to give the appearance of sleeping…and this must be done shortly after washing and dressing before rigor mortis sets in. Feet often were tied together to limit after-death muscle contractions caused by the breakdown of muscle tissue by digestive enzymes during decomposition. A handkerchief often was wrapped under the chin and around the head to keep the mouth closed, and coins were placed on the deceased’s eyes to keep them shut as well. While these motions may seem old-fashioned and irrelevant, in many cases these precautions were necessary to fit a body into a coffin or grave.
  • Up until the beginning of the twentieth century, many families buried their loved ones in family plots like the one shown in the image above. They would mark the graves with a stone, a cairn or a hand-carved memorial created from wood and, eventually, stone. Even today, in rural areas, families are allowed to bury their loved ones in active family plots located on farms or at homes. But, times change and these families and others must comply with state and federal laws when it comes to burial. While your third-great-grandmother may have been buried in a pine box without a grave liner, some states may require family plots to comply with state laws, which may include using grave liners and proper caskets rather than shrouds or biodegradable caskets.

Beyond the issues of a home burial shown above, there can be extreme satisfaction and a sacredness to handling the body of a loved one after death. Additionally, with the increase of home deaths, it seems to make sense to prepare the body before burial (unless you live in Connecticut, Indiana, Louisiana, Nebraska and New York, where funeral directors are required to be involved to some degree). To learn more about other folks’ experiences with at-home funeral preparations, please read the stories listed below for some ideas and thoughts about this process. These stories also provide useful links to learn more about at-home funerals:

  • Death Midwifery and the Home Funeral Revolution: Home funeral guide Jerrigrace Lyons, director/founder of Final Passages in Sebastopol, states, “It [home funeral preparation] was a life-changing experience and it awakened in me a passion to share with others how empowering and beneficial the home funeral was and the fact that it is completely legal in California.”
  • A Movement to Bring Grief Back Home: After Richard Saul died of Lou Gehrig’s disease just before Christmas last year at age 77, neighbors and friends gathered at his Cleveland Park home to extend sympathies to his widow, Judy, and their sons and grandson. Many were surprised to learn that they could also pay their respects to Richard.
  • The Surprising Satisfactions of a Home Funeral: Two bodies, two funerals and two different outcomes.

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Posted in Alternatives, Cemeteries, Death & Dying, Death Practices, Funeral Arrangements, History of Funerals, Plan Your Own, Traditions | 3 Comments »

Early Funeral Customs

Thursday, May 28th, 2009

Attitudes toward death in America have changed over the centuries, because this country’s socio-economic status has changed as well as occupations, ethnic influences and more. In colonial America, especially in New England with the Puritans, and in Colonial Virginia, death was looked upon with a reality that does not seem prevalent today. Life was cut short from encounters with Native Americans, disease, lack of sanitary conditions and an equal lack of medical facilities.

The Puritans had little regard for the physical body after death, and they did not dwell on memorials or public expressions of grief even though they may have mourned in private. According to Sharon DeBartolo Carmack, author of Your Guide to Cemetery Research, the Puritans made sure their children understood death was part of life:

The Puritans prepared their children for death by reading to them – or having the child read – gruesome verses in the Bible, lecturing them about the deaths of other children, or dragging them to the edge of an open grave to make them aware of their own mortality. Death was part of their daily life and prayer, and they believed that their salvation was never certain.

While the Puritans reflected upon death in their letters and journals, colonial Virginians along the Chesapeake treated death with a “stoic fatalism.” They did not ruminate about death in letters or journals, but they did – over time – develop a public ’sensibility’ about mourning. During the nineteenth century, after the American Revolution, attitudes about death changed dramatically as Americans won their freedom from the British.

It wasn’t until shortly after the Civil War, however, when society felt they needed to make monuments to the dead. Funerals became more elaborate and etiquette was established – even to the point of what to say and not to say to the family and friends of the deceased. In fact, the funeral industry saw its beginnings during and shortly after the Civil War, when soldiers needed to be embalmed before they were sent home.

Although the funeral industry often is the object of public attacks, funeral homes across the country also have won respect from families and friends of the deceased who trusted these businesses to treat their loved ones with respect and care. Variously called “undertakers,” “funeral directors,” and “morticians,” America’s new ritual specialists have transformed the twentieth-century experience of death and body disposal.

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Posted in Death & Dying, Death Practices, Funeral Arrangements, History of Funerals, Talking with Children | No Comments »

Dying at Home: The Alternative to Hospitals

Wednesday, May 27th, 2009

Have you thought about dying at home? In the past, that’s all that our ancestors could do – provided they weren’t killed or died accidentally away from the home. In Canada, it seems that more people are choosing the option to die at home, despite free medical care at their hospitals.

According to a new study published in Social Science & Medicine, University of Alberta researcher Donna Wilson looked at mortality data of Canadians dating back to 1950. Up until 1994, 80 per cent of Canadians were choosing to pass on in a hospital bed. But since the mid-’90s there’s been a drastic change in the number of people going to hospital to die. The number is now down to 61 per cent.

“So after years of [the numbers] going up, we have completely reversed that and are now at the 1960 level, before there was free hospital care in Canada,” said Wilson, who adds the decrease in numbers of people dying in hospital has happened without direct health policy or government planning.

Her next study she wants to find out why this trend is happening. But she already has some ideas on the huge swing.

“My guess is that a lot of it has to do with the fact that death is no longer unexpected,” said Wilson. “A lot of people are dying at an advanced age and you begin to accept that fact that it’s going to happen and it [can be] a dignified event. If you take the person to the hospital . . . care is by strangers rather than family members.”

Wilson predicts the number of people dying each year will double, maybe even triple, in the next 10-20 years because of the aging baby-boomer population. And, despite the fact that the Canadian government hasn’t been involved in the stay-at-home deaths to date, Wilson would like to see more involvement and encouragement for the death-at-home option.

“We need to start putting more money in to home care and develop some hospices, have some courses for families and maybe build a few more nursing home beds,” said Wilson, who adds this not only helps the health-care system but also can provide a more dignified and potentially less painful death for the patient.

“All the drug therapies that keep people comfortable in hospital can be used at home,” said Wilson. “You’ve got much more choice. You’re not going to be force-fed; you’re not going to have an intravenous drip started on you that is painful.

“I think we have a very healthy population who can look after dying people.”

Considering the growing hospice care industry, this trend may already be active in the U.S. as well. Hospice care workers are well trained in helping the dying and their families with this life transition. Dying at home among family and friends may be a much more personal and meaningful option than dying in a hospital room amongst strangers.

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Posted in Hospice, Patients | 1 Comment »

Funeral Homes and the Funeral Law – RIP or Rip-off?

Wednesday, May 27th, 2009

According to a Federal Trade Commission (FTC) report filed in March 2009, approximately one-fourth of the funeral homes investigated by undercover federal investigators violated the Funeral Rule significantly during 2008. These federal investigators visited 104 funeral homes in seven states, part of an undercover inspection of funeral homes conducted every year to help ensure compliance and maintain consumer confidence.

The Funeral Rule requires funeral homes to provide consumers with an itemized price list of products and services at the start of a discussion at the home of funeral arrangements, and to show them a casket price list before they view any caskets. This ruling also allows consumers to purchase only the funeral arrangements they want. Consumers also have the right to buy separate goods (such as caskets) and services (such as embalming or a memorial service).

Funeral homes found to have significant violations can choose to enter the Funeral Rule Offenders Program (FROP) as an alternative to the prospect of a lawsuit that could lead to a court order and civil penalties. The FROP is a three-year compliance training and monitoring program run by the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA). Funeral homes that participate in the program make a voluntary payment to the U.S. Treasury in place of a civil penalty, and they pay annual administrative fees to the NFDA.

According to the FTC press release, “Annual undercover investigations serve two purposes,” said Eileen Harrington, Acting Director of the FTC’s Bureau of Consumer Protection. “They help ensure that funeral homes are playing by the Funeral Rule, and they protect consumers, who can shop for a variety of funeral goods and services with confidence. The Rule – and these undercover investigations – make it possible for people to compare prices and buy only those services they want or need.”

Here are some of the FTC findings:

  • In Fairbanks and Anchorage, Alaska, two of 11 funeral homes inspected had significant violations; five had minor compliance deficiencies.
  • In Northeastern Arkansas, 11 of 15 funeral homes inspected had significant violations; four had minor compliance deficiencies.
  • In Orange County, California, two significant violations were found among 18 funeral homes inspected; nine had minor compliance deficiencies.
  • In Minneapolis/St. Paul, Minnesota, one of 16 funeral homes inspected had significant violations; seven had minor compliance deficiencies.
  • In Nassau County, New York, two of 18 funeral homes inspected had significant violations; three had minor compliance deficiencies.
  • In Toledo, Ohio, one of 15 funeral homes inspected had significant violations; nine had minor compliance deficiencies.
  • In San Antonio, Texas, seven of 11 funeral homes inspected had significant violations; one had minor compliance deficiencies.

Funeral homes that participate in the FROP program receive compliance training, legal review of price list disclosures required by the Funeral Rule, and regular testing and compliance monitoring. When investigators find minor compliance deficiencies, the funeral home receives a notice requiring it to provide evidence that it has corrected the problem.

In general, the Funeral Rule requires:

  • Funeral homes to give consumers an itemized General Price List (GPL) at the beginning of an in-person discussion of funeral arrangements, and show them a Casket Price List before they view caskets.
  • The Rule also prohibits funeral homes from requiring consumers to buy any item, such as a casket, as a condition of obtaining any other funeral good or service. By requiring itemized prices, the Rule gives consumers the ability to compare prices among funeral homes and buy only the goods and services they want.

Since the FROP program began in 1996, the FTC has inspected more than 2,150 funeral homes and referred more than 300 funeral homes to the FROP program. In conducting these enforcement sweeps, the agency has benefited from the assistance of several state attorneys general and the AARP.

In addition to its law enforcement efforts, the FTC educates consumers in English and Spanish about their rights under the Funeral Rule, and provides guidance to businesses in how to comply. During 2008, the agency responded to requests for more than 100,000 copies of three of these publications: “Paying Final Respects: Your Rights When Buying Funeral Goods & Services,” “Funerals: A Consumer Guide,” and “Complying with the Funeral Rule.” Consumers also have accessed information about the Rule more than 138,000 times during 2008 from the FTC’s Web site, www.ftc.gov.

The Federal Trade Commission works for consumers to prevent fraudulent, deceptive, and unfair business practices and to provide information to help spot, stop, and avoid them. To file a complaint in English or Spanish, visit the FTC’s online Complaint Assistant or call 1-877-FTC-HELP (1-877-382-4357). The FTC enters complaints into Consumer Sentinel, a secure, online database available to more than 1,500 civil and criminal law enforcement agencies in the U.S. and abroad. The FTC’s Web site provides free information on a variety of consumer topics.

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Posted in Funeral Arrangements, Funeral Homes, Funeral Law | No Comments »

What Do Funeral Flowers Mean?

Tuesday, May 26th, 2009

One of my favorite books is Gaskell’s Compendium of Forms, a social, educational, legal and commercial etiquette book published in 1882. While this self-teaching course in penmanship and bookkeeping is almost a century-and-a-half-old, it can provide some insight into how certain customs are followed, even today. And, no self-taught person would be fully complete without learning the language of flowers.

While this book does not address funeral flowers directly, it contains eight full pages on the meaning of flowers, beginning with a quote from Lady Mary Wortley Montagu (also known as Montague), who wrote about how flowers were used as messages in Eastern society:

“There is no color, no flowers, no weed, no fruit, herb, pebble or feather, that has not a verse belonging to it; and you may quarrel, reproach, or send letters of passion, friendship or civility, or even of news, without even inking your fingers.”

Additionally, the way a flower is presented might send a message. A rose without thorns, for instance, would say, “There is everything to hope,” while a rose with thorns and stripped of its leaves would say, “There is everything to fear.” While many people today don’t think about the messages that flowers send, let alone how they’re presented, you might want to say something special in your funeral flower arrangement. Here are some flowers and plants to consider and the messages they send:

  • Agrimony (A common herb; Agrimonia  parviflora, Agrimonia Striata): Thankfulness and gratitude
  • Asphodel ( Asphodels are popular garden plants with a number of species): My regrets follow you to the grave
  • Balm (Also known as Lemon Balm, Melissa): Sympathy
  • Black Swallow-wort (Dog-strangling Vine, Climbing Milkweed; Vincetoxicum nigrum; syn. Cynanchum louiseae): Cure for heartache; also an invasive plant and difficult to find through a florist.
  • Burdock (Also known as thistles with a number of varieties; this plant led to the development of velcro, which is another immortal object): Immortality
  • Carolina Jasmine (Gelsemium sempervirens): Separation
  • Cypress (Cypress is the name applied to many plants in the conifer family Cupressaceae): Death and mourning
  • Daphne (A flowery bush with a number of varieties): Glory and immortality
  • Flowering Reed (I couldn’t find information, but I did find plenty of photos; possibly an orchid or calla rather than a grass?): Confidence in Heaven
  • Globe Amaranth (Gomphrena globosa): Unfading love
  • Hawthorn (A tree, member of the rose family; Crataegus): Hope
  • Helenium (Also known as Sneezeweed with a number of varieties): Tears
  • Lilac (Shown in the image above; Syringa vulgaris): Memory
  • Marianthus (found only in Australia; also known as red billardiera): Hope for better days
  • Marigold (Tagetes): Grief
  • Red Poppy (This is the small-size annual species, also known as Shirley, Flanders, American Legion or Corn poppy): Consolation
  • Red Rose: I love you
  • Rosemary (a perennial herb; Rosmarinus officinalis): Remembrance
  • Spring of Spruce (A conifer, or pine, tree): Farewell
  • Thrift (Phlox subulata): Be assured of my sympathy
  • White Lily (Lilium candidum): Purity and sweetness
  • Wormwood (Artemesia; many varieties): Absence
  • Zinnia (many varieties): Thoughts of absent friends

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PrePayment – Is It the Right Choice?

Tuesday, May 26th, 2009

How many times have you thought about prepaying for your funeral? After all, if you have money set aside and funeral plans all set, then your loved ones won’t need to worry about how to pay for your passing. While this willingness to prepay is gallant, you may be entering risky territory with a prepayment plan option. In fact, it may be money flushed down the toilet.

While prepayment funeral options (also known as pre-need) are regulated, a number of abuses have been reported. And, pre-need funeral options vary from state to state as well. Here are some examples:

  • In Mississippi, the state’s Pre-Need Act stipulated that 50 percent of funds prepaid for burial and related services had to be deposited in a trust fund when this plan was developed in 2001. In 2006, it was amended to 85 percent. Changes in 2009 will include directing $10 from each customer’s contract to build a fund geared to protect consumers against future reported contract problems.
  • In Illinois, Merrill Lynch & Co. has agreed to pay $18 million to end a State of Illinois investigation into its role in the erosion of a trust that was supposed to safeguard consumer deposits meant to pay for their funerals. The trust, however, has a $50 million deficit, which regulators blame on the trade group’s investment strategies.
  • In Georgia, the IRS closed down a funeral home for neglect to pay back taxes and confiscated papers. No one knows who has prepaid for funerals at this funeral home, but the owner states that a friend “would honor their contracts.”
  • In Missouri, lawmakers felt it necessary to pass a pre-need funeral service bill that would require that all pre-need sellers be registered and licensed with the state. It also provides the state Board of Embalmers and Funeral Directors authority to audit the finances of pre-need funeral contract sellers to ensure they are at least 85 percent funded to meet their obligations to consumers.

Those news articles listed above are from 2009, so you can see that the pre-need funeral industry remains shaky at best in some states. Plus, prepayment isn’t a good deal for you financially – if it weren’t a good deal for funeral homes, then they wouldn’t take your money. Finally, a price set in 1990 is no longer viable today. The casket your mother picked out might not be available, and you would be stuck with the difference in cost between 1990 and now.

How do you overcome this problem?

Instead of providing a pre-need salesman with your hard-earned money, think about setting aside funds in a special account that you control and that helps you earn interest. Depending upon the funeral you want, it wouldn’t take long to save up the money you’d need, especially if you opt for a low-cost option. Check with a trusted banker or broker to learn about options available to you today.

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