Death & Dying

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Top Veterinary School Pet Loss Hotlines

Monday, January 25th, 2010

A boy and his dog.

Don’t feel embarrassed if you can’t seem to get over the death of a beloved pet. Pets mean many things to people, and it doesn’t matter your age — the loss of a pet engenders the same feelings of grief that any loss would generate. Fortunately, grief counseling and pet loss support hotlines are available, and

The value behind helping people through the loss of their pets enables these students to become the best veterinarians. No matter if you’ve lost a long-lived goldfish or a prize-winning horse, the grief is the same, and these groups are here to help you.

The following list of top pet loss hotlines are located in universities throughout the U.S. Remember that these hotlines are not for mental health…they are for pet loss and pet grieving only.

College of Veterinary Medicine: This college is located at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. Their Companion Animal Related Emotions (C.A.R.E.) Pet Loss Helpline is a confidential service, and they maintain a toll-free number. The C.A.R.E. Helpline was developed to provide a supportive outlet for people experiencing the actual or anticipated loss of their cherished companion animal.
Cornell University College of Veterinary Medicine Hotline: Literature relating to pet loss and grief is maintained by the hotline and available for mailing to callers who request information. Articles about the human-animal bond and grief are provided for the education of student volunteers and, together with the experience from the hotline, help to prepare the students for the emotional side of veterinary practice.
Michigan State University College of Veterinary Medicine: This group offers both a pet loss support hotline and a pet loss support group. The Pet Loss Support Group, run by Veterinary Social Work Services at MSU’s Veterinary Teaching Hospital, offers a safe place for individuals and families to express their feelings and talk about their experiences. The hotline is offered on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays and if you leave a message, they will return your call.
Washington State University Pet Loss Support: The College of Veterinary Medicine at Washington State University offers pet loss information through a group of students who have been trained in grief counseling by a licensed therapist. Many of those volunteers have experienced the loss of a pet and are there to help you through this difficult time. By helping others through their loss they hope to become better, more compassionate veterinarians.
Tufts University Pet Loss Support Hotline: Modeled after the pet loss hotline at the University of California, Davis (which has been eliminated because of budget concerns), the Tufts University Pet Loss Support hotline began as the initiative of former veterinary student Tammy Pierce V’97. Since its inception in January 1996, over 100 veterinary students have served on the hotline. Every staff member participates in extensive training sessions with a licensed psychologist, learning about the process of grieving and how people react to the loss of pets.
University of Florida Veterinary Medical Center: University of Florida Veterinary Medical Center (UFVMC) recognizes, respects, and supports the human-animal bond. They hope that after reading the material in their website you will understand that it is natural to grieve the loss of a beloved animal friend and that you are not alone in your grief. Their hotline is available on weekdays.

Tags: grief counseling, Pet Loss
Posted in Death & Dying, Grief and Grieving, Pet Loss | No Comments »

Staying Alive in 2010

Tuesday, January 5th, 2010

2010 is the year to quit smoking!

The new year — and, a new decade — is here. You probably made some New Year’s resolutions, unless (as my friend tells me) you’re over age 50. At that point, you might realize that resolutions should be made all year and that failure is inevitable for many resolutions.

But, a new year often means a fresh start, and many folks have lost weight, quit smoking and managed to do other things to make life easier, healthier and happier every new year. To help make those resolutions easier for you, we’re providing a list of links to articles that may help you keep those promises to yourself. Plus, we’ve also added some great links that may provide you with inspiration.

After all, if you live a life that focuses on preventative health, maybe you’ll never need to spend a day in the hospital — and you might avoid the morgue as long as possible. Most of those resolutions involve problems that often are the leading causes of death (drinking, smoking, etc.):

Quit Smoking: Everyday Health wrote an article that dispels some myths about smoking and tips on how to quit.
Quit Drinking: Sure, a glass of wine with dinner is fine. But, when you finish off the bottle for desert every night, you might have a problem. AA is the way to go – it’s free, the support is wonderful, and it may change your life.
Lose Weight: Tons of sites exist online to learn how to lose weight. One of our favorites is FitDay, a free online journal that can help keep those promises with daily entries, articles and support.
Sleep Better: Sleeping (and napping) can refresh your body, enliven your brain and provide you with stamina. Trouble falling asleep? Use this link to find free drum rhythms and flute music that might help you in that endeavor.
From Couch to Concrete: Hit the road running with this online fitness plan that can have you running circles around everyone by March (you also can walk or cycle if you don’t like running).

Now, for some inspiration:

Tim Ferris: The man who wrote the Four-Hour Work Week also provides a blog that focuses on mental and physical health. Even if you don’t try everything he suggests, you might be amazed and amused by the things he tries — at least they seem to work for him!
Watch Your Sugar: If you can’t watch it, then avoid the foods that have the most sugar content. Learn about those foods through visuals here.
This is Why You’re Fat: No, really — this is the name of the blog, which includes photos of some fairly disgusting items that Americans eat.
What Do 300 Calorie Meals Look Like? If you’ve lost track of what a meal for a ‘normal’ person looks like, then take a look at this site. Of course, a ‘normal’ person who does not need to lose weight would eat three meals that are twice this size (personally, I eat five meals per day about this size — for my height and weight and activity level, I can lose one pound per week, which is my goal for the first three months in 2010).

Good luck, and cheers to a long and healthy life!

Tags: overweight, smoking
Posted in Causes of Death | No Comments »

Surgery for Elderly Found Risky

Saturday, December 26th, 2009

surgery

If you ever wondered if surgery was more risky for the elderly, you may have your answer. Science Daily recently ran an article that showed that the risk of complications and early death after performed abdominal surgical procedures apepars to be higher among older adults.

It is estimated that one in six Americans will be age 65 or older by 2020 and that 15 percent of this population will be older than age 85, according to background information in the article [Archives of Surgery]. “Approximately 2 million older Americans undergo abdominal surgical operations each year,” the authors note. “For clinicians, patients and families considering abdominal surgical procedures, informed decision making is challenging because of limited data regarding the risks of adverse perioperative events associated with advancing age.”

The procedures included common surgeries such as gall bladder removal, hysterectomy and colectomy. Complications were recorded within 90 days of discharge and deaths were recorded within 90 days of hospital admission.

The 90-day complication rate was 17.3 percent and the 90-day death rate was 5.4 percent. “Advancing age was associated with increasing frequency of complications (65 to 69 years, 14.6 percent; 70 to 74 years, 16.1 percent; 75 to 79 years, 18.8 percent; 80 to 84 years, 19.9 percent; 85 to 89 years, 22.6 percent; and 90 years or older, 22.7 percent) and mortality (65 to 69 years, 2.5 percent; 70 to 74 years, 3.8 percent; 75 to 79 years, 6 percent; 80 to 84 years, 8.1 percent; 85 to 89 years, 12.6 percent; and 90 years or older, 16.7 percent),” the authors note. “After adjusting for demographic, patient and surgical characteristics as well as hospital volume, the odds of early postoperative death increased considerably with each advance in age category. These associations were found among patients with both cancer and noncancer diagnoses and for both elective and nonelective admissions.”

These results, along with others conducted by the author of the Anti-Aging Firewalls site in the article, Age-related surgery risk, show that vulnerability to multiple causes of illness and death begins to climb at age 50, picks up during the sixth decade of life and goes into overdrive in the 80s. With a majority of population reaching these elder levels within the next few decades, the question over whether age-related surgery risks become higher as one ages is answered. The question now, perhaps, is whether or not surgeries such as the common gall-bladder surgery might remain covered under insurance for those over age eighty?

Only time and the government will tell as they move forward on the health care bill in 2010.

Tags: elderly, insurance risk, surgery
Posted in Causes of Death, Death Care News, Other Legal Matters | No Comments »

Coping with Death over the Holidays

Monday, December 21st, 2009

snowtombstone Researching family history forces me to review ancestral deaths and reasons behind those deaths. I never ceased to be amazed at the number of individuals who die over the holidays. While some die from accidents, other deaths are caused by weather, old age and — yes — stress.

It seems that I am not alone in worrying about relatives who travel or other relations who have health problems and their fates over the holidays. Articles about how to cope with death during the holidays abound. In an effort to bring some great advice and news about how to deal with holiday deaths, we chose ten of the best articles to share here. The articles are listed in alphabetical order:

Anniversary of Mom’s death is during the holidays: One year after her mother’s death, Gayle Peterson talks about her feelings.
Coping With Death During The Holidays: Carolyn Zellander talks about her relatives who died during the holidays and how she coped with the losses.
Father’s death brings pain during the holiday season: A reader asks how to deal with a father’s expected death, one that occured during Thanksgiving weekend.
Getting Through the Holidays: Angela Morrow offers some advice on how to get through the holidays after losing a loved one.
Grief: Coping with reminders after a loss: The Mayo Clinic staff provides an insightful article on grief and grieving, and how to cope with the feelings triggered by holiday reminders.
Helping Children of Different Ages Cope with a Death: A different perspective from a Jewish Web site that pertains to anyone who wants to help children cope with death and loss.
Holidays After the Death of a Loved One: Learn how to cope with upcoming holidays after you lose a loved one during the holiday season.
Important and Helpful Tips For Managing the Holidays For the Bereaved: Gloria Lintermans provides a list of helpful hints for those who are grieving during the holidays.
Prof: Tips to help those grieving during holidays about death, money: Purdue University provides an article that talks about loss in general, including information for those who have lost a job.
You Can Make It Through the Holidays: A short introduction to a link that offers a variety of ways to cope with grief during the holidays.

Tags: grieving, holiday deaths
Posted in Grief and Grieving, Talking with Children | No Comments »

How to Stay Alive to Enjoy the Holidays

Friday, December 18th, 2009

Fatal Wreck Caused by Drunk Driver

The period between Thanksgiving and New Years holidays is notorious for fatal traffic accidents. Short tempers, rushes to get to a destination and holiday partying add to lousy weather conditions to create the perfect storm. In light of the holiday season, we’re offering some tips on how to stay alive to greet 2010. While some tips seem ordinary, others may surprise you:

Don’t drink and drive: Get a taxi or enlist the help of a designated driver for holiday parties and other events where you know you will imbibe in alcoholic drinks. The average BAC (Blood Alcohol Content) among fatally injured drinking drivers is only .16.
Wear a seatbelt: It’s the law in most states, and seatbelts truly do save lives.
If you’re a doctor, take extra care with driving: Studies show that for every 1,000 physicians with a driver’s license, each year 109 are involved in a crash and 44 get speeding tickets. Experts say the big reason is that doctor/drivers are chronically tired and busy thinking about their work.
Do not talk or text on your mobile while driving: If I catch you doing this, I will report you (especially if you’re my daughter). Researchers have found that drivers who text are not only 50 percent more likely than cell phone users to cause traffic accidents, but to take 23 percent longer than non-texters to react before an accident occurs.
Stay alert: You may be a great driver, but don’t trust anyone else. Fatal accidents often are caused by driver inattention, failure to merge or yield, aggressive driving and failure to exercise care in passing. With that said…
Do not speed: Road conditions and crowded highways provide scenarios for frustration. Don’t add to that equation with speeding, as your reaction time is mitigated by your speed. Additionally, keeping to the speed limit can eliminate speeding tickets as well as save gas.
Get rest: Don’t drive while tired. Estimates are that 10-20 percent of fatal accidents and about 5 to 10 percent of all car accidents may be related to tired drivers. If you cannot pull over, read these tips on how to stay alert.
Get the car checked before a trip: SmartMotorist states that equipment failure is a major contributor to accidents. They have a list of things to check before you hit the road.
Stop rubbernecking: New studies have shown that rubbernecking is a leading cause of accidents and causes many traffic delays.
Watch the weather: The weather can change from state to state and even from one county to another. Check weather and road conditions before you leave on your trip. You can save time — and, possibly, your life — if you know in advance what you may encounter along the way. Each state usually has a weather/road conditions site carried by a state Department of Transportation organization. Use their information to stay updated.

Finally, if you want to impress your kid, your friends or your relatives (or yourself) before you hit the road this holiday season, visit Car Accidents. This site shows images of cars involved in various fatal wrecks from around the world. While some photos make it seem obvious that no one survived, you might be surprised at some other accident photos. While the car is barely scratched, the driver or passengers did not survive (no seat belt, etc.).

Have a safe holiday trip!

Tags: drunk driving, rubbernecking, speeding, texting
Posted in Causes of Death | No Comments »

Pennsylvania Reports Pregnancy and Childbirth Complications

Wednesday, December 16th, 2009

pregnancy

While complications involved in pregnancy and childbirth may seem minor today — thanks to new medicines and procedures — the Pennsylvania Patient Safety Authority just released data targeting major issues involved in pregnancy and childbirth.

This special issue report, which includes the articles listed below, provides gynecologists, obstetricians, midwives and the entire obstetric team, with strategies to help them prevent the complications based upon real Pennsylvania data. The Advisory contains four articles with in-depth discussion on medication errors in labor and delivery, preventing harm to mothers and babies during vacuum-assisted vaginal deliveries, discussion regarding neonatal complications with shoulder dystocia and an overall snapshot of complications that resulted in 256 reports in which the mother was harmed (including 20 deaths) during pregnancy and childbirth.

Medication Errors in Labor and Delivery: Reducing Maternal and Fetal Harm: Pennsylvania healthcare facilities submitted 2,611 event reports involving medication errors in labor and delivery units between June 2004 and April 2009. Analysis shows that the most common medication error event type associated with this area is dose omission (22.5 percent), followed by wrong drug (10.7 percent). Further analysis shows that 46.4 percent of wrong/dose/overdosage errors and 55.2 percent of wrong-rate errors involved high-alert medications. Strategies to prevent medication errors and patient harm in the specialty setting include standardizing the dosing and administration protocols as well as standardizing the concentrations and dosing units of drug infusions and adopting a policy that all infusions be administered with an infusion pump.
Preventing Maternal and Neonatal Harm during Vacuum-Assisted Vaginal Delivery: When women in the second stage of labor fail to progress in the second stage of labor, vacuum extractors have been used to successfully aid delivery. However, the Pennsylvania Patient Safety Authority received 367 reports of problems involving vacuum-assisted delivery from July 2004 through April 2009. Of these reports, 282 (77 percent) documented some form of injury to the baby or mother. To maximize the success of vacuum extraction procedures and to minimize complications, clinicians must understand both indications and contraindications for this procedure. The article discusses in-depth the important patient safety concepts associated with vacuum-assisted vaginal delivery procedures. A poster and chart review tool are also available for facilities.
Neonatal Complications: Recognition and Prompt Treatment of Shoulder Dystocia: The Authority has received over 316 reports of babies who experienced getting their shoulder stuck (known as shoulder dystocia) in the birth canal during delivery. In 124 (39 percent) reports the babies’ injuries from the shoulder dystocia included: broken bones, nerve damage, internal bleeding and death. Several strategies for reducing the risks associated with shoulder dystocia are detailed in this article. Consumer tips are also available to encourage women to give their healthcare providers as much of their medical history as possible to help determine the possibility of shoulder dystocia and minimize potential injury.
Data Snapshot: Maternal Complications: Analysts for the Pennsylvania Patient Safety Authority searched the Authority’s reporting system database for maternal complications of pregnancy and childbirth. The analysts limited the search to Serious Events (harm to the patient) among female patients 15 years old and older from June 2004 through August 31, 2009. The search resulted in the identification of 256 reports of maternal complications causing harm to the mother. The ages of the mothers ranged from 16-47 years old. Twenty mothers died. Issues discussed include: uterine ruptures, unplanned transfers to intensive care units, unanticipated blood transfusions, other complications causing significant bleeding, hysterectomies, pulmonary emboli, seizures, primary infections and other complications.

The Authority can send hard copies of the December 2009 Supplementary Pennsylvania Patient Safety Advisory to all clinical directors of abortion facilities and directors of obstetric services in hospitals. These individuals are encouraged to distribute the Supplementary Advisory articles internally to those of the same specialty within their facility.

For an electronic copy of the 2009 December Supplementary Pennsylvania Patient Safety Advisory, go to the Authority’s web site at www.patientsafetyauthority.org.

Tags: childbirth death, pregnancy
Posted in Causes of Death | No Comments »

The Art of Dying, or Ars Moriendi

Wednesday, December 2nd, 2009

Pride of the spirit is one of the five temptations of the dying man, according to Ars moriendi.

In the book, This Republic of Suffering, by Drew Gilpin Faust, the topic of the Good Death begins on page six. This topic, not unknown to American Civil War soldiers in the mid-nineteenth century, had its foundation in the ars moriendi, or “The Art of Dying,” two Latin texts that reached back to fifteenth-century Catholicism. In fact, this art of dying the ‘good death’ had become the core for modern Christian practice by the mid-nineteenth century.

Civil War soldiers were, in fact, better prepared to die than to kill, for they lived in a culture that offered many lessons in how life should end. But these lessons had to be adapted to the dramatically changed circumstances of the Civil War…Dying was an art, and the tradition of ars moriendi had provided rules of conduct for the moribund and their attendants since at least the fifteenth century: how to give up one’s soul “gladlye and wilfully”‘ how to meet the devil’s temptations of unbelief, despair, impatience, and worldly attachment; how to pattern one’s dying on that of Christ; how to pray. Texts on the art of dying proliferated with the spread of vernacular printing, culminating in 1651 in London with Jeremy Taylor’s The Rule and Exercise of Holy Dying. His revision of the originally Catholic ars moriendi proved not just a literary achievement but an intellectual triumph that firmly established the genre within Protestantism.

Taylor’s rendition of the ars moriendi as well as the original documents had, by the time of the Civil War, become so commonplace that preachers used them in sermons, popular health books combined the expanding insights of medical science with older religious conventions about dying well, and popular literature carried out the theme in scenes such as the death of Dickens’s Little Nell, Thackerey’s Colonel Newcome and Harriet Beecher Stowe’s Eva.

By the time of the Civil War, the theme of the Good Death inspired songs, stories and poetry for and about the Civil War. As the war raged on throughout this country, the concept of the good death had burst its religious boundaries and had become part of respectable middle-class behavior throughout both the North and the South.

This long-held and widely-spread belief system about death is why, according to Faust, a soldier who died anonymously and suddenly in the heat of battle confounded all ability to understand why this death might be a “Good Death.” The Good Death was to take place at home, among loved ones who could witness the faith of that dying soul. To compensate for this denial of closeness between soldier and family at the time of death, other soldiers, chaplains, military nurses and doctors conspired to provide dying men and their families with as many of the elements of the “conventional Good Death” as possible. This meant that other individuals on the battlefield became surrogates for the family when a soldier died.

This unusual and heartrending change in familiar patterns of family care and death care in the 1860s led to the composition of several songs and poems. One, titled “Be My Mother Till I Die,” included the lines sung by a nurse:

Let me kiss him for his mother,
Or perchance a sister dear;
Farewell, dear stranger brother,
Our requiem, our tears.

This song was so widely popular that it called for a response, titled “Answer to: Let Me Kiss Him for His Mother,” which expressed gratitude for the women who cared for a family’s loved one far from home.

Bless the lips that kissed our darling,
As he lay on his death-bed,
Far from home and ‘mid cold strangers
Blessings rest upon your head.

Songs such as this and their responses did not belong to one side or another in that war. They were national responses to the disruption of war, which — for all intents and purposes — was a disruption of the Good Death. Songs such as this and actions of others who helped soldiers die on the battlefield helped to maintain that traditional connection between the dying and their kin that defined the ars moriendi.

Tags: Ars moriendi, Civil War, Good Death
Posted in Death & Dying, Death Practices, Grief and Grieving, Traditions | No Comments »

Ten Warning Signs for Alzheimer’s Disease

Monday, November 9th, 2009

Learn the warning signs for Alzheimer's disease

As many as 5.3 million Americans are living with Alzheimer’s disease. Alzheimer’s destroys brain cells, causing memory loss and problems with thinking and behavior severe enough to affect work, lifelong hobbies or social life. Alzheimer’s gets worse over time, and it is fatal. Today it is the seventh-leading cause of death in the United States.

How do you recognize the warning signs for this disease? The Alzheimer’s Association has prepared a list of common symptoms. If you make several marks on the list below, the person who has the symptoms should see a physician for a complete examination. Some of these symptoms may also apply to other forms of dementia:

Recent memory loss that affects job skills: It’s normal to lose keys, to misplace a list or to forget a phone number – as long as you find the keys or the list or remember the phone number later. People who have dementia may forget things more often and not remember them later.
Difficulty performing familiar tasks: You may have burned a dinner or forgot the popcorn in the microwave. Busy people can be distracted from time to time. People with Alzheimer’s disease could prepare a meal and forget not only to serve it but that they prepared it.
Problems with language: Everyone has trouble finding the right word sometimes, but a person who has Alzheimer’s disease may forget simple words or substitute inappropriate words to form an incomprehensible sentence.
Disorientation of time and place: If you’ve ever forgotten the day of the week, your age or your destination, you know that if you concentrate you find the solution immediately. Alzheimer’s disease may prevent people from remembering where they are, how they got there or how to get home. Sometimes, an Alzheimer’s patient may not know he or she is lost.
Poor or decreased judgment: People with Alzheimer’s disease may forget about a child under their care or dress inappropriately, such as wearing an overcoat on a hot day or wearing several shirts or blouses at one time.
Problems with abstract thinking: You may never be able to balance your checkbook, but you usually do not forget what numbers mean and how to use them. Alzheimer’s disease can prevent a person from remembering what numbers mean and what needs to be done with them.
Misplacing things: While you still may not find your keys, you usually do not put an iron in the freezer or a necklace in the sugar bowl. Alzheimer’s disease can make a person forgetful, and it also can push a person to make inappropriate choices.
Changes in mood or behavior: Sadness and moodiness can be a part of life. A person with Alzheimer’s disease, however, can experience rapid and extreme mood swings for no apparent reason.
Changes in personality: As people age, their personalities often change depending upon experiences and beliefs. A person with Alzheimer’s disease can change personality drastically and seemingly without warning, becoming fearful, suspicious or confused.
Loss of initiative: You’ve probably experienced depression in your lifetime, where you cannot become enthused about anything. Usually, with help or with a more positive attitude, these moods can dissipate. A person with Alzheimer’s however, may become very passive for long periods of time and require cues or prompting to become involved.

If you feel you or a loved one is exhibiting these signs, check with the Alzheimer’s Association to learn more about this disease. No two people experience Alzheimer’s disease or aging in the same way, so make sure that your perceptions are correct before you become overly concerned or depressed about your findings. A doctor also can help dispel or confirm your personal diagnosis and help you to plan ahead if you do have this disease.

Tags: Alzheimer's disease, cause of death
Posted in Causes of Death, Death & Dying | 1 Comment »

Thinking About Death May Change Your Life

Friday, November 6th, 2009

Facing the reality of death may bring serenity to your life.

Have you faced the reality that, one day, you will die? If you haven’t faced this fact, don’t feel alone. Denial of death is a popular pastime in developed countries, as people don’t want to die any more than they want to pay taxes.

But, if you take the time to realize that you will die one day, your outlook on life may change and you may experience serenity. People who believe they will live forever (including many teens), often take more risks and make decisions that may take longer to resolve. The resulting chaos can be used as a means to avoid deep introspection, a skill that takes time to develop in many people.

One way to build that skill is to take life slowly and deal with situations as they arise. The person who tries to deal with situations or events that have not yet arisen and that may never arise can feel overwhelmed. This type of thinking also wears on a person’s health. Worrying about “what if” situations can become an addictive behavior, especially when an individual begins to think about his or her death.

Before you work yourself into a depression while thinking about life ending in death, think about a person who has been diagnosed with a terminal illness. Unfortunately, in many cases, a terminally ill person feels isolated and rightly so – the fact that many people do not want to face death in this society tends to spill over into real life as people avoid terminally ill loved ones.

But, dying is not a contagious disease. It is a fact of life. Still, many people treat death and dying with a hands-off attitude, mainly from fear. Many people equate death with pain, but physical pain can be endured or treated. Emotional pain often is the issue here. Fear of separation, fear of abandonment and fear of the unknown are real fears. These fears can be diminished by talking about them with a counselor or with your family and friends.

Alcoholics Anonymous deals with these fears in a twelve-step program [PDF] that addresses emotional issues and day-to-day activities that can prevent serenity. Since alcoholism is seen as a terminal illness among many recovering alcoholics, the individuals who seek treatment for their alcoholism (or drug abuse) can walk away with skills that can help many other people learn how to deal with life and death.*

Outside the twelve-step program, life plans also can be simplified further into four basic categories (not listed in any particular order):

Relationships with family members and friends
Job or career goals
Health issues
Spiritual questions

Taking each one of the four issues listed above, you can list obstacles that exist for you in any area within that category. Ask yourself questions such as:

Do any of my past relationships remain unresolved?
Do I have financial problems to address?
Do I exercise enough or can I eliminate foods that are not good for me?
What do I believe, and can I find support for my beliefs or do I need to change that perspective to find peace?

Although you deal with these four issues continuously throughout life, the answers to your questions may change as you age. The analogy would be like a movie you watched ten years ago or a book you read when you were younger. If you watched that movie or read that book again, you might see the content differently than you did ten years prior. AA calls this practice “taking inventory.” The average person might call it, “taking stock.” No matter what you call this personal interrogation, a constant desire to seek answers to life’s current dilemmas can help you to understand yourself and your loved ones better.

This willingness to take stock and to understand shifts in your perspective may show that you have grown emotionally, spiritually and in knowledge.

To realistically plan for your life to end one day is a practical exercise, and one that many hospices employ in their care-giving. But, if you think about the end of life now, rather than waiting for a time when you face death head-on, your willingness can present new opportunities rather than close doors. Facing the reality that life ends in death, always, may help you avoid chaos and worry and live a more peaceful life filled with satisfying relationships and goals.

*Note: Many addiction programs allow recovering addicts to replace “God” with “higher power” to help avoid resistance to recovery.

Tags: Alcoholics Anonymous, Hospice, twelve-step program
Posted in Caregivers, Death & Dying, Grief and Grieving, Hospice | No Comments »

Coming to Terms with Fatal Disease: Talking with your Doctor

Friday, October 30th, 2009

The Doctor by Luke Fildes

If you do not die suddenly from an accident, heart attack or stroke, chances are you will die a slow death from disease or simply from aging. Unfortunately, in the latter case, doctors are well trained in every possible aspect of saving a life, but little on how to treat death and dying. So, if you are diagnosed with a fatal or chronic condition, how do you talk with your doctor effectively?

When you are diagnosed with a fatal illness or chronic condition, try to discover as much as possible about the medical facts about your condition. Most doctors are overworked, and many lack the skills to offer counseling for the emotional aspects of dealing with your illness. But, most doctors can provide facts about your condition. Additionally, you can use other resources, as noted below, to learn more about how to deal with your condition emotionally.

The following questions were gathered from Dr. Daniel R. Tobin’s book, Peaceful Dying, a step-by-step guide to preserving dignity, your choices and your inner peace in death and dying. These questions were designed to get as much information from your doctor about your condition as possible:

What are my treatment options?
What is my prognosis?
How long do you think I have to live? (while there is no surefire way for a doctor to predicit how long you’ll live, you can get a general idea of the life span of most people at your stage of disease)
What are the side effects of the treatments you are suggesting?
How much time do I have to make up my mind about which treatments to use? How will that time affect my treatment?
What treatments exist outside those offered by traditional Western medicine and where can I research such alternatives? (most doctors do not know much about alternatives, so you may have to search a little further to find answers to this questions)

Some tools you can use to find more answers include:

Get a second opinion and answers to your questions above.
Read more about your disease in books (written within the past five to ten years for the most updated information).
Join support groups for patients with your disease, and encourage your family members to do the same.
Surf the Internet for more information about your disease and treatments for that disease.
Seek counseling if needed with a specialist who understands grief, death and dying. This counseling can be invaluable for both you and your family.

When you are diagnosed with a fatal or chronic disease initially, the information you gather may be far different than information available to you as your disease progresses. Be sure to stay on top of new developments in your disease, as you never know when something might occur that either could ease your suffering or prolong your life.

In other words, while your doctor may be the best expert in his field, he may not know all the answers to your particular situation. You are responsible for your life and your death in many cases. So, take charge and live your life with dignity.

On a final note, sometimes diseases come on quickly and can incapacitate you without warning. Therefore, it might be wise to share this information with your family so that sharing in the responsibility becomes a family affair. When family members understand how to recognize and help treat H1N1, for instance, that knowledge may help to save a family member’s life.

Tags: disease, doctors, dying
Posted in Causes of Death, Death & Dying, Grief and Grieving | No Comments »

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