Traditions

Archive for the ‘Traditions’ Category

The Art of Dying, or Ars Moriendi

Wednesday, December 2nd, 2009

Pride of the spirit is one of the five temptations of the dying man, according to Ars moriendi.

In the book, This Republic of Suffering, by Drew Gilpin Faust, the topic of the Good Death begins on page six. This topic, not unknown to American Civil War soldiers in the mid-nineteenth century, had its foundation in the ars moriendi, or “The Art of Dying,” two Latin texts that reached back to fifteenth-century Catholicism. In fact, this art of dying the ‘good death’ had become the core for modern Christian practice by the mid-nineteenth century.

Civil War soldiers were, in fact, better prepared to die than to kill, for they lived in a culture that offered many lessons in how life should end. But these lessons had to be adapted to the dramatically changed circumstances of the Civil War…Dying was an art, and the tradition of ars moriendi had provided rules of conduct for the moribund and their attendants since at least the fifteenth century: how to give up one’s soul “gladlye and wilfully”‘ how to meet the devil’s temptations of unbelief, despair, impatience, and worldly attachment; how to pattern one’s dying on that of Christ; how to pray. Texts on the art of dying proliferated with the spread of vernacular printing, culminating in 1651 in London with Jeremy Taylor’s The Rule and Exercise of Holy Dying. His revision of the originally Catholic ars moriendi proved not just a literary achievement but an intellectual triumph that firmly established the genre within Protestantism.

Taylor’s rendition of the ars moriendi as well as the original documents had, by the time of the Civil War, become so commonplace that preachers used them in sermons, popular health books combined the expanding insights of medical science with older religious conventions about dying well, and popular literature carried out the theme in scenes such as the death of Dickens’s Little Nell, Thackerey’s Colonel Newcome and Harriet Beecher Stowe’s Eva.

By the time of the Civil War, the theme of the Good Death inspired songs, stories and poetry for and about the Civil War. As the war raged on throughout this country, the concept of the good death had burst its religious boundaries and had become part of respectable middle-class behavior throughout both the North and the South.

This long-held and widely-spread belief system about death is why, according to Faust, a soldier who died anonymously and suddenly in the heat of battle confounded all ability to understand why this death might be a “Good Death.” The Good Death was to take place at home, among loved ones who could witness the faith of that dying soul. To compensate for this denial of closeness between soldier and family at the time of death, other soldiers, chaplains, military nurses and doctors conspired to provide dying men and their families with as many of the elements of the “conventional Good Death” as possible. This meant that other individuals on the battlefield became surrogates for the family when a soldier died.

This unusual and heartrending change in familiar patterns of family care and death care in the 1860s led to the composition of several songs and poems. One, titled “Be My Mother Till I Die,” included the lines sung by a nurse:

Let me kiss him for his mother,
Or perchance a sister dear;
Farewell, dear stranger brother,
Our requiem, our tears.

This song was so widely popular that it called for a response, titled “Answer to: Let Me Kiss Him for His Mother,” which expressed gratitude for the women who cared for a family’s loved one far from home.

Bless the lips that kissed our darling,
As he lay on his death-bed,
Far from home and ‘mid cold strangers
Blessings rest upon your head.

Songs such as this and their responses did not belong to one side or another in that war. They were national responses to the disruption of war, which — for all intents and purposes — was a disruption of the Good Death. Songs such as this and actions of others who helped soldiers die on the battlefield helped to maintain that traditional connection between the dying and their kin that defined the ars moriendi.

Tags: Ars moriendi, Civil War, Good Death
Posted in Death & Dying, Death Practices, Grief and Grieving, Traditions | No Comments »

Debate Continues over Shanidar Cave Burial Flowers

Tuesday, October 20th, 2009

A view of Shanidar Cave

Between 1957 and 1961, Ralph Solecki and an archeology team from Columbia University discovered the first adult Neanderthal skeletons in Iraq. Known as the Shanidar Cave site, the two most famous skeletons include Shanidar I, an elderly male aged between 40-50 years, and Shanidar IV, otherwise known as the “flower burial.” It was once thought that Shanidar IV provided the best evidence for Neanderthal burial ritual, but debate continues over the evidence of flowers found at this site.

Shanidar IV was an adult male between 30-45 years, and found in a fetal position. The team gathered routine soil samples to analyze the vegetational history of the site, and clumps of pollen outside the normal range of pollen were found from those soil samples. Originally, scholars believed that flowers were used in a burial ritual, as the samples yielded plants that contained medicinal properties.

Some of the site samples included: Yarrow, Cornflower, Bachelor’s Button, St. Barnaby’s Thistle, Ragwort or Groundsel, Grape Hyacinth, Joint Pine or Woody Horsetail and Hollyhock. These plants are known among many as having curative powers as diuretics, stimulants, astringents and anti-inflammatory properties. This knowledge led to the belief that Shanidar IV might have had shamanic powers or that he was a medicine man, since no other burial site contained this pollen.

Since that time, more scholars have analyzed the Shanidar site and its resulting hypotheses and have offered some debate over earlier conclusions. One such argument centered on the introduction of pollen by native rodents. The Persian Jird is known to store seeds and flowers, so the site might have had natural and not cultural orgins.

Timothy Taylor, in his book, The Buried Soul: How Humans Invented Death (pgs 32-33), wrote:

The ‘grave of flowers’ was one of a number of remarkable finds at Shanidar. Among nine skeletons recovered was one of an adult who had sustained crippling injuries and who could not have survived without the constant attention of a close-knit community. In Shanidar: The First Flower People, published in 1971, Ralph Solecki argued not only that his Neanderthals had a kind of spirituality, but that they had belonged to a peaceful, loving society, hwere even the disabled wree valued. Solecki provocatively implied that Neanderthals were morally superior to us – or at least to those modern humans who were at that time leading the United States in its bloody losing battle over Vietnam.

Taylor also stated that even Solecki admitted that the ‘burials’ were not clear-cut, as the bones were discovered in an area where many people were killed by cave-ins or roof-falls. The absence of obvious grave goods other than the pollen at many sites, including Shanidar, opens the possibility that the excavated skeletons – many of which were incomplete – “were no more than the result of random preservation following accidental death.”

Scholars study burial habits to learn more about a culture, as scholars often believe that burials point to spirituality, which – in turn – might point to a more intelligent population. However, as Taylor argues in his book, burials sometimes do not point to spirituality or even to humane situations.

With that said, flowers have become a ritual for modern burials in many cultures. But, seldom do you see herbal plants in funeral flower arrangements. Perhaps by adding the Shanidar plants listed above to your next funeral arrangement, you can alter history – or, at least encourage debate among future scholars.

Tags: burials, curative plants, herbs
Posted in Funeral Arrangements, Funeral Flowers, History of Funerals, Traditions | No Comments »

Historical Burial Traditions: Bahamian Burials III

Saturday, October 17th, 2009

Nassau cemetery with a mix of memorials and transient grave sites.

In the first blog entry about Bahamian burials, you may have learned that there was a distinction among social classes and between races in life as well as in death in the Bahamas. In the second article, you may have witnessed how both Europeans and Africans influenced each other in the types of memorials reserved for the dead and the designation of a burial as permanent or transient. This article, the last in the series, shows how class defined the Bahamian burial; however, cultural influences also shaped the Bahamian burial scene.

Many Europeans who served in the military or who stayed on the Bahamas’ islands after the American Revolution often purchased gravestones from England or Europe. The marble and granite stones that you might see in Nassau or on Paradise island represent wealthier Europeans who had the means to afford these stones. Even today, in less populated Bahamian islands such as San Salvador, you may find machine-carved polished granite stones. But, these stones were delivered to the island, just like Christmas trees, beer and any other commodity consumed on that latter island.

More commonly, you can find a mix of grave styles within Nassau’s cemeteries as shown in the image below:

A mix of social class and culture in this cemetery.

In the image immediately above, taken in Nassau, you can see a polished granite stone, a hand-carved headstone and a pile of carved limestone rocks in the far right background. All three are graves, and the least permanent grave site is the one surrounded and covered by the limestone blocks. The cement borders designate the difficult-to-dig grave sites, and many of them do not contain headstones. A simple pine box lies just feet under the earth.

But, what you cannot see in this image are objects left on many graves. In San Salvador, a custom of leaving plates, vessels, bottles and other objects is more common than in Nassau, but those objects can be found at almost any cemetery or grave site, no matter whether its in a church yard or on town property.

James Deetz writes in his book, In Small Things Forgotten:

…there is a clear pattern in the types of objects used by African Americans to decorate graves. Bottles and jars predominate, sometimes broken in such a way that they appear to be whole. This was often accomplished by breaking a hole in the bottom, invisible when the object is set upright on the grave. Such breakage could be seen to be done to prevent theft, but [John} Vlach cites extensive evidence that such is not the case, since the community will not disturb grave offerings, even coins, as a result of customs which had their origin in the African past. Similar grave ornamentation is known from all West and Central Africa, where, as in America, graves and their decorations are seen as inviolate, not to be stolen from.

A quick look at graves in a more remote grave yard on San Salvador Island shows little of this African influence. But, if you sit for a while and concentrate, you can begin to see a shard of glass here, a nail there, a small vase and a shell there. After a while, you might begin to see entire plate sets, bottles and a series of glassware set along the barriers that mark the grave site. Some of these same objects are found in African-American grave sites throughout the southern U.S.

While many scholars have put forth theories about these symbols, only one may make sense – that of the slave who wants to return home and who finds that way home after death. Many death rituals, symbols and stories about death that have emerged from slavery centers on a watery symbolism. But, it is a dangerous thing to assume a belief system. For instance, in one headline in a story about a Bahamian grave site found recently in Miami, the writer asks, “Graves without grievers?” Some people may be confounded about how a cemetery filled with dozens of people in the early twentieth century could go undocumented and unnoticed.

Without understanding a culture, it may be difficult to understand that, at times, it can be easy to walk away from a cemetery. And, as an African American in this country, until recently, it could be very easy to die without documentation. Part of the reason for this ability to hide after death is found in the way European and American cultures clung to the slave culture over the centuries. Another reason is found in the African culture itself, one that may want to keep some personal points private. Deetz points to a William Faulkner quote in Faulkner’s book, Go Down, Moses, that might sum up the issue:

“…the grave, save for its rawness, resembled any other marked off without order about the barren plot by shards of pottery and broken bottles and old brick and other objects insignificant to sight but actually of a profound meaning and fatal to touch, which no white man could have read.”

Tags: Bahamas, Bahamian burial traditions
Posted in About Tombstones, Cemeteries, Death Care News, Graveyard Etiquette, History of Funerals, Traditions | 2 Comments »

Historic Funeral Traditions: Bahamian Burials II

Saturday, October 17th, 2009

Bahamian vault graves on San Salvador Island

Are you appalled by the idea that a family or community might re-use grave sites as mentioned in the previous Bahamian burial article? Or, perhaps the condition of the Bahamian cemeteries and grave sites might disturb you. If so, pick up the book, In Small Things Forgotten, by James Deetz to learn more about earlier American burials. On page 23, Deetz states:

“…it is not unusual to find single stones, from earlier in the eighteenth century, that mark the resting places of husband and wife as well as children. Group interment of this type is typical of earlier periods, and the contemporary concept of the churchyard was consistent with such a practice. Registers of churchyards invariably list far more interments than there are stones to account for them. Not everyone received a gravestone in the earlier periods, but unless we are able to conduct excavations in these cemeteries, the exact relationship between the numbers and groupings of the deceased and the markers in the cemetery will remain unknown. What is known is that the seventeenth-and eighteenth-century concept of a burying ground was that of a finite space that would hold all the deceased members of a parish regardless of how congested the space became. Diarists of the period mention bets of bone and teeth seen in the earth excavated for a new grave…”

The Bahamas presents such a burial environment, one that was reinforced after the American Revolution and continued even today. In earlier processes, however, graves also reflected the European tradition of memorial, and in many churches throughout Nassau, you can find memorials along a church’s inner walls and even along walkways:

Memorial plaques to the dead along a church wall.

An old stone embedded in a church walkway.

Many of these memorial plaques represent the deaths of military men who were embedded in the Bahamas during and after the Revolution. Although at least one plaque is dedicated to a man lost at sea, many more memorials are dedicated to those who came to the islands and who lost their lives to diseases such as yellow fever.

Like memorial plaques, the vaults shown at the top of the page are part of what could be a resistance to the transient grave site in the islands. These two vaults are created from cement, and they resist any attempt to re-use the graves, unlike the temptation to reuse graves made more available by identifiable concrete borders and piles of rock. The islands, however, can support only so many graves of a permanent nature because of space limitations. You can find many graves throughout the southern U.S. like the ones shown at the top of the page. These types of graves are particular to African-American church cemeteries.

Once you visualize the church formality with the memorials shown above for Europeans who died in the Bahamas, the African influence seen in Nassau’s graveyards seems to bend to that European memorial influence in a more basic way:

Broken stones lean against a church wall.

The stones above may have been removed to re-use a grave. Showing deterioration, they resemble the same intent as memorials on the inside walls of the previous church. But, the exposure to weather tends to reduce those memorials to general deference, unlike a plaque devoted to a specific person.

The following grave shows more modern style, as sometimes it takes a bit of creativity to memorialize the dead and to make a grave site permanent when the culture leans more toward a transient burial site…

Bathroom/kitchen tiles as memorial.

The grave site shown immediately above might send the same message as the vault graves shown at the top of the grave. Although the tiles seem less formidable than concrete, the message is the same – some effort went into this grave site, and to tear it apart might show more disrespect to the creator of that site than to the person buried there. After all, this grave has no identifying marks to let anyone know who might be buried here.

There is one more section to go in this series, as the African burial tradition is explored further in both the Bahamas and in the States.

Tags: Bahamas, Bahamian burial traditions
Posted in About Tombstones, Cemeteries, Death & Dying, History of Funerals, Traditions | 1 Comment »

Notes on the Old-Fashioned Home Funeral

Saturday, October 10th, 2009

Some thoughts about the home funeral

When the family Bible was passed down to me, I discovered a black flattened rose and a piece of black lace within the pages of that book. When I asked my aunt about these tokens, she responded, “Oh, those are from grandma’s funeral.” She began to tell me about how my great-grandmother’s casket was draped with roses and about the black lace dress that she wore to her grave.

That’s when I learned about how my father’s side of the family conducted their funerals. In every death from the time the house was built in 1900 to when my great grandfather died in 1953, the viewing for the body was held in my grandmother’s parlor, or ‘front room.’

The front room of most houses at the time were not used for television or any other entertainment except, perhaps, for the occasional piano recital. My grandmother’s front room contained two couches, a coffee table and a piano, along with a side table that held said Bible. It was in this room where the dead lay in state for loved ones to visit before the burial. For all intents, this room served as the family funeral parlor.

While I learned much about my great-grandmother’s death and funeral from this exchange with my aunt, other questions remain. These questions were brought to mind with an article that was published this year in Funeral Home News. In this piece, the author interviewed Douglas Ferguson, a man who worked in the Prince Edward Island, Canada, funeral industry since the mid-twentieth century.

Ferguson recalled that when he took ownership of the former Claude Jelley Funeral Home in O’Leary in 1958, that nine out of ten visitations were conducted in people’s homes. At the time, he recalls that people felt it was disgraceful to leave a body at the funeral home. He also mentions the “parlour,” much like the one in my grandmother’s home.

But, Ferguson also brings some other points to light, things I never considered:

“I’ve seen them go into houses and put beams underneath to hold the floor. If you put 50 extra people in a house, you know the weight that’s there,” said Ferguson, the senior member of the P.E.I. Funeral Directors and Embalmers Association.

Sometimes, because of the way the home was laid out, carrying the casket in and out, was no easy undertaking. “So you had to go in through a window. Take a window out, shove the casket in and carry a battery for light,” Ferguson commented.

I had to think about the width of my grandmother’s front room door when I read those comments. How did they get my great-grandmother’s casket in and out of that house? Did they need to supply supports for the front room floor?

Fortunately, my aunt still is among the living and her memory remains clear, so I’ll pose those questions to her and report back with my findings if she knows the answers. But, for those of you who are considering a funeral at home, you might think about these issues as well.

In the meantime, you can read more about Mr. Ferguson and his lasting legacy on his community, as he seeks to serve families in their times of need as he recounts how he and his family lived above the funeral home he purchased in 1963 (shades of Six Feet Under!).

Tags: casket, roses, viewing
Posted in Death & Dying, Death Practices, Funeral Arrangements, History of Funerals, Plan Your Own, Traditions | No Comments »

DeathCare Workers Talk about What Happens After Death

Sunday, October 4th, 2009

What happens when you die

Have you ever wondered what happens to your body after death, especially if you have not planned your funeral? The Guardian ran an article in the U.K. in 2008 entitled, “What Really Happens When You Die,” and this article provides death care workers’ perspectives on their jobs and what those jobs entail. The entire article is worth reading, but a few points from that article are listed below. Remember that these interviews were conducted in the U.K., where some practices carry small differences between those in the U.S.

The General Practitioner

The good doctor talks about how people die in the U.K. Mostly it is in a bed, but many people die from massive heart attacks and lung clots on the toilet, because those fatal occurrences also include the feeling that the person wants to defecate. Special occasions, such as birthdays and holidays also provide higher death rates. This doctor feels that people want to hang on for these occasions, whereas in the state, many people feel that holidays provide too much stress for some people. He also states:

When a death is expected, the ideal place for it is at home, in a familiar environment, surrounded by family. But that is becoming a rarer event. What is becoming more common is people being rushed into hospital for what I believe is a more undignified and worse death, in an anonymous room with nurses who are busy. In my view that is a failure of health professionals, because we should be preparing the families of terminally ill people for death, showing them that it doesn’t have to be frightening and that they can do it at home. Palliative care is all about making death comfortable – you do not need to die in pain, you can die in a dignified manner. People worry that having a death at home will be horrible and traumatic for the family, but a good death is like a good birth – it is a beautiful event, not at all undignified.

The Pathologist

We covered most of the information found in this interview in our coverage of autopsies (see also: Autopsy: The External Examination). However, the pathologist also talks about causes of death:

Most people who come to me for a postmortem examination will have died from heart disease. In the elderly, strokes and pneumonia are also very common. The young are more likely to die from accidents, suicide or particular types of tumors one gets in youth. If a young person dies, the likelihood of them having a postmortem is high because their death is much more likely to be unexpected. Many older people who die won’t have a postmortem because they are likely to have had a known illness that has led to their death.

The Funeral Director

This interview is interesting, as the funeral director talks about various death and funeral practices. Since he works in East London, where cultural diversity is strong, he also talks about sending bodies back home and how this return is safeguarded by embalming:

A lot of my work is arranging for bodies to go back to their home abroad. About a fifth of our work is repatriation now because of the cultural diversity of the area we are based in – east London. This requires tropical embalming because the body may be kept for longer. Tropical embalming takes longer and uses stronger chemicals. Ghanaian funerals, for example, can be anything from two months to two years after death. We’ve had bodies here for three or four months before they’ve been flown home to Africa for the funeral.

The Embalmer

This interview is interesting, as this embalmer also dresses bodies for funerals. So, talk about how to make the person look ‘natural’ is included. A few myths also are debunked here, such as the myth that your nails keep growing after you are dead – what actually happens is that your skin retracts, so they appear longer. What is shocking is the percentage of bodies that are embalmed. According to this interview:

Of the bodies that come to the funeral homes I work in, around 90 percent will be embalmed. The ones that don’t will be where the family have refused or the funeral is taking place very quickly…If a body is going abroad, the strength and amount of fluid used is increased, to ensure preservation and sanitation for a longer period.

The Crematorium Technician

This is, perhaps, the most interesting interview, as this crematorium technician talks about how this industry is regulated in the U.K.:

The cremation chamber is fuelled by gas and has to be heated to at least 750C before we can load, or “charge”, the coffin. We have to adhere to strict guidelines and everything is logged automatically on the computer – time, date, duration, emissions, smoke levels, carbon monoxide, oxygen levels and the temperature in the different parts of the cremator. The computer prints out a report and every few months these are sent to environmental health.

This person also presents a problem with ‘natural’ burial containers:

People think wicker and cardboard coffins are saving the planet, but they burn very quickly instead of creating a slow, even heat like wood. That means you need more heat to cremate the body, so use more gas. It’s also more hazardous for us, because they catch alight so quickly and harder on us because we can sometimes see the body through the wicker.

The Cemetery Operations Manager

U.S. burial practices are far different than those in the U.K., because the U.S. offers more space (currently) for cemeteries. Therefore, more people can be buried in one plot in the U.K.:

If a person buys a grave plot, they have a choice of that grave being used for anything between one and five people. For a single grave, the law requires that the coffin be buried under at least 3ft of earth, unless the ground conditions are suitable and then the shallowest a coffin can be buried is beneath 2ft 6in of soil. The ideal is light, dry soil, not wet, heavy clay. With a grave for five people, the first person would be buried at 11ft and the next coffin would go in at 9ft 6in and so on. You have to have at least six inches between each coffin in a multiple grave.

Note the distances between the coffins above and then hear what this person says below about shallow graves. In the U.S., more stories are appearing where graves are being dug too shallow to skimp on burial costs, and these shallow graves can cause problems. Also note the time it takes for a skeleton to decompose – this is a generalization based upon a body in a coffin in ideal conditions. Some bodies take longer to deteriorate (even with embalming), and in some conditions, bodies take much less time to decompose:

If a body were buried illegally in a shallow grave less than 2ft deep, the decomposition rate is only 18 months to three years. That’s banking on disturbance by small mammals and insects. Whereas, with a proper burial, with the coffin deep in the ground, the decomposition rate is much slower. The ground conditions affect the decomposition rate. If the coffin is sealed in a very wet, heavy clay ground, the body tends to last longer because the air is not getting to the deceased. If the ground is light, dry soil, decomposition is quicker. Generally speaking, a body takes 10 or 15 years to decompose to a skeleton.

The Resomation Technician

You may not be familiar with the term, resomation, or the work it entails, but it has come about thanks to interest in an alternative to cremations. During resomation, the coffin is placed in a special chamber and, instead of fire, a water- and alkali-based method is used to advance the natural process of decomposition. According to this technician:

At the moment there are only a few resomation chambers in operation in the world, all of them in the US – ours is at Mayo Clinic, Rochester, Minnesota – but there has been interest from several UK councils and cemeteries about installing them. It does offer people a greener option…It [the process] breaks down the body and neutralizes everything, including the chemicals used to preserve the body, such as formaldehyde.

And, if you ever wondered what you were made of, this technician will tell you:

…nitrogen, phosphate, proteins, amino acids, salts and sugars. It’s [the remains] got a greenish-brown tint and it flows just like water.

Tags: embalming, heart attacks, resomation
Posted in Alternatives, Causes of Death, Cremation, Death & Dying, Death Practices, Traditions | No Comments »

Historic Funeral Traditions: American Germans

Sunday, September 13th, 2009

Many early German grave stones contain elaborate hand-carved lettering.

Did you know that Americans of German descent outnumber those Americans of Irish and English descent? The first Germans to arrive in the New World were those who settled in Jamestown, Virginia in 1608. However, the most significant influx of Germans to American occurred during the nineteenth century, with settlements in New York and Pennsylvania.

When Germans arrived in America, like any other ethnic group, they brought their customs and beliefs with them. Some religious traditions have remained in place, such as those practiced by the Amish, Mennonites, Moravians and Hutterites, groups that were formed in the early years and that remain in existence today. While we have covered Amish funeral traditions, this article expands on those traditions to include some practiced in the past and that may be continued today outside the Amish community.

Because there are several different nationalities of German Americans, burial customs vary. But, outside the plain and simplistic logic of the Amish funeral, observers today can view the sadness and loss reflected in German cemetery markers located throughout the U.S. Symbols chosen include angels and females in mourning, urns, wreaths, drapery or shrouded figures in elaborate Gothic style. Early markers also include symbols, or hex signs, intended to ward off evil spirits such as rosettes, stars and stars within circles. Many of these symbols can be seen today, as those symbols may be painted on barns that belong to German ancestors.

Often, you can find German epitaphs such as:

Hier Legt (Here Lies)
Hier Ruhet (Here Rests)
Zum Andenken an (To the Memory of)

On the other hand, many Germans who migrated to the U.S. did so for religious freedom. As Lutherans, or Reformers, many German immigrants regarded death as a new beginning in an eternal life with God. Other traditions might follow along Catholic lines or as Methodists. Today, many German Americans have assimilated to the point that many people do not recognize their German ancestry – but they do recognize their religious affiliation, if any, and follow the advice of their religious advisers for funerals and death practices.

On the other hand, some U.S. funeral directors exist today who are proud of their German heritage and who have studied under German undertakers. Many of these funeral directors are members of the German National Funeral Directors Association and they speak English as well as fluent German. But, in Germany, death took a back seat until the 21st century. In 2007, Germans started the initiative to develop EosTV, a 24/7 show that talks about death and dying and geared mainly toward the elderly.

Death as a topic among Germans is largely suppressed or ignored until it happens. Then, survivors are often at a loss over what to do with their feelings, or how to navigate the practical matters around funerals and estates. To generalize, Germans in Germany today are similar to many other populations around the globe who fear death, yet who must inevitably face it individually.

Tags: Germany, Hutterites, Lutherans, Mennonites, Moravians
Posted in About Tombstones, Cemeteries, Death & Dying, Funeral Arrangements, History of Funerals, Traditions | 1 Comment »

Funeral Home Options

Thursday, September 3rd, 2009

A floral tribute to a mother in Great Britain, a reminder that funerals often are for the survivors.

Have you thought about how your body might be handled after you die? If so, you may have considered creating options for your burial now, even when young. But, the thought of walking into a funeral home to discuss those options might keep you from making those decisions.

That’s why we prepared the following list of items that a funeral home might offer. You can use this list to make decisions about what you want for your burial. Additionally, you can use this list when you call funeral homes to discuss their options and costs. This is true pre-planning, and it doesn’t cost anything to make those decisions now. However, you may want to create an account that is earmarked for your burial so loved ones don’t need to fret about the costs to fulfill your wishes.

The funeral home’s list may or may not include all the items listed below. And, your choice for #1 can help you to make decisions about all the other items in the list. Funeral homes are required by law to be transparent in their current prices. They also must agree to your decision to use other options when available, such as other caskets than those that are in the funeral home showroom and more. If you want a green burial, you may need to conduct more research to find a funeral home and cemetery that will fulfill your wishes.

Options for burial include traditional burial, cremation or gifting your body to science.
Transporting the body to funeral home
Emblaming and other body preparations. Learn about the laws in your state, and plan for options such as a death away from home where your body may need to be transported. In many cases, transportation of a body over state lines requires embalming.
Flowers? Or, other options for survivors to honor your life and death?
Traditional burial options, such as a vault, casket, headstone, etc.
Transportation of the body to cemetery, and other transportation possibly required for a funeral procession.
Plans for costs of wake, viewing, etc.
Printed items such as memorial cards, guest book and funeral programs.
Tents and chairs for viewing and/or burial service at graveside.
Copies of death certificate.
Assistance in notifying insurance companies and newspapers regarding your death. The option may include notifying organizations in which you are a member.

The funeral home may also ask the following questions:

Do you want an open or closed casket if you choose traditional burial?
Do you want an indoor memorial service or a graveside service or both?
Do you want an elaborate or simple service?
Who conducts the service – do you prefer a family member, a religious leader or a funeral home?
Who will speak at the service?
Do you want music? If so, what plans do you have for the “playlist”?
Do you want a reception or wake before or after the service or both or none at all? If so, where?

You also can join or talk with a memorial society to learn about all your options before you make decisions. While you may want to keep the funeral inexpensive, you also can be creative about your plans. After all, the funeral is for the living, and it can be the last gift you provide to your loved ones.

Tags: embalming, music, pre-planning
Posted in Alternatives, Cemeteries, Cremation, Death & Dying, Funeral Arrangements, Funeral Basics, Funeral Flowers, Funeral Songs, Plan Your Own, Traditions | No Comments »

What is a Eulogy?

Thursday, August 27th, 2009

Leading the mourning.

Did you know that eulogies often were written in high praise or commendation of a person? Today, eulogies most often are associated with funerals, but the word derives from the Greek eu, meaning a combination of “good” or “well” and “true” or “genuine” and logy, or a termination of nouns referring to writing. The eulogia in the Greek Orthodx Church was a blessing. Today, the eulogy is known as a speech or writing in honor of a deceased person.

Before the death connotation, the elegiac was made popular in Greece. The elgiac refers to a composition with a Classical meter of two lines, making it a couplet. The first line is dactylic hexameter, followed by a line of dactylic pentameter. This type of poetic form dates back nearly as far as the epic, and one of the greatest first elegiac poets was Philitas of Cos. Often, the elegiac poetic form praised a person who was alive at the time of the writing.

This Hellenistic poetic form spread throughout ancient Europe, and Sextus Aurelius Propertius, an Italian who died about 15 BC wrote four books of elegies in Latin, totaling 92 poems. One example:

Cynthia prima suis miserum me cepit ocellis,
contactum nullis ante cupidinibus.

“Cynthia first captivated wretched me with her eyes,
I who had never before been touched by Cupid.” (I.1.1-2)

Over time, the elegy became a poem written in mourning. The eulogy, however, was transformed from a speech or writing in praise of a person or thing to a tribute to a deceased individual, and it never became a poem. Eulogies still can be delivered at births and at weddings, so the term can be very confusing. This is a list of things that are not eulogies:

Eulogies are not elegies, as eulogies are speeches, whereas elegies are poems.
Eulogies also are not obituaries, which are published biographies that recount the life of the dead.
Eulogies also are not obsequies, the latter referring generally to rituals that surround funerals.
Eulogies are not dirges, which are mournful songs that express grief.
Eulogies are not encouraged by every religion. Catholic priests are not permitted to present a eulogy in place of a homily for the deceased during a funeral Mass.

This is what a eulogy is about:

Eulogies can praise a living person (during celebrations such as birthdays, weddings, retirements, etc.), but many people today do not associate the term “eulogy” with the living.
Eulogies often are spoken to the living who are severely ill or close to death in order to express words of love and gratitude before that person dies.
Eulogies most often are delivered by family members or close friends during a funeral.
Eulogies also can be called a “panegyric,” or a formal public speech, or “(in later use) written verse, delivered in high praise of a person or thing, a generally highly studied and discriminating eulogy, not expected to be critical. It is derived from Greek meaning a speech ‘fit for a general assembly.’”

Do you need to write a eulogy for a deceased loved one? Don’t panic – you don’t need to be a poet to write a eulogy. In the next post, you’ll learn how a eulogy is constructed and the content you might use for that speech.

Posted in Death & Dying, Funeral Arrangements, Funeral Eulogies, Grief and Grieving, History of Funerals, Traditions | 1 Comment »

25 Top Hospice, Death Care and Eldercare Blogs

Friday, August 21st, 2009

Portrait of old woman sitting by a window by Chalmers Butterfield.

Are you seeking expert advice on how to work with an elderly parent? Do you want to find information about your own aging? Many experts, including lawyers, hospice nurses and nursing home advocates, have taken to the Web to offer their advice and knowledge through the following up-to-date blogs. Their information may be what you need to answer your questions about aging, deathcare and eldercare.

The following list of hospice and eldercare blogs are listed in alphabetical order to show readers that we do not favor one blog over another:

AARP: Can’t live with out AARP if you are age 50 or older. This site provides advocacy, information, resources and even a game section. It’s more of a portal than a blog, but it’s a raging good resource.
About.com Palliative Care: This site is designed for patients, families, and caregivers who are faced with life-threatening illness and are seeking information about palliative care or hospice.
Caregiver List: This blog focuses on resources for caregivers for the elderly.
Death Care Law Blog: William Stalter focuses his law practice on preneed and death care compliance, serving banks, funeral homes, crematories, and cemeteries. He has written multiple published articles on the subject of preneed and is a member of The International Cemetery, Cremation Funeral Association.
Dethmama Chronicles: This hospice nurse is off the charts – funny, intense, philosophical and nurturing, she provides an insider’s perspective into death care.
Eldercare ABC Blog:If it requires a village to raise a child, then what does it take to care for an aging parent? This blog tries to answer that question with a myriad of resources.
Eldercare Diary: This site is more of a portal than a blog, but it does contain a blog as well as a forum, articles and resource directory.
ElderCare Expert Blog: “Dr. Cheryl” is an owner of a Geriatric Care Management business in Southern California, and she offers information on eldercare advocacy and information for caregivers and for eldercare professionals.
GeriPal – A Geriatrics and Palliative Care Blog: This blog is a forum for discourse, recent news and research, and freethinking commentary. They welcome the perspectives of generalists, specialists, gerontologists, palliative care clinicians, and anyone else interested in care of the elderly or palliative care.
Hospice Blog: This blog is dedicated to all of the hard working hospice professionals across the nation.
Hospice and Caregiving Blog: Sponsored by the Hospice Foundation of America, this blog offers stories and articles about the end-of-life experience.
Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog: Frances Parker is a consultant, hospice volunteer and former school principle, and her blog focuses on Parker’s experiences and knowledge about hospice care.
Hospice Physician’s Blog: This fellowship-trained and board-certified hospice and palliative medicine physician shares insights into patient experiences from a hospice and palliative care point of view.
How We Die: Ok, so this is not a blog – but, it’s a “can’t miss” site that may hold you spellbound. The founders explore how our most personal experiences have shaped what we believe about death and dying, and about the decisions we make for ourselves, for loved ones, or for patients at the end of life. The site welcomes stories from patients, their families, loved ones and friends, and doctors and healthcare professionals.
Inside Eldercare: One man’s mission – to educate and inspire readers to make their elder care experience a positive. Ryan is the creator of the “by families, for families” approach to elder care which teaches families how to make elder care a positive experience.
Lasting Tribute: This blog celebrates the lives of family, friends and people in the public eye who are no longer with us. It also allows members of the public to leave their own personal messages and upload photos.
Medical Futility Blog: Thaddeus Pope tracks judicial, legislative, policy, and academic developments concerning medical futility and the limits on individual autonomy at the end of life.
My Better Nursing Home: Dr. Eleanor Barbera frequently lectures on subjects related to psychology, aging, and nursing homes. Read her blog to gain insight into those topics.
My Elder Advocate: Jack Halpern has held several key leadership roles during his 30 years in the nursing home industry, and he shares his current perspectives on eldercare with readers.
Palliative Care Success: Tim Cousonis is a certified health care executive who has worked for the past 20 years to improve end-of-life care in the U.S.
Pallimed: This blog is a hospice and palliative medicine blog that focuses on education about the hospice movement and industry.
Risa’s pieces: This blogger is a palliative care provider who writes about his experiences with death and dying individuals.
The Good Death: Jessica Knapp is a PhD student and freelance writer who wants to help people better handle all facets of death and dying. Her posts are filled with facts, questions and many links to other resources.
The New Old Age: This New York Times’ blog focuses on Baby Boomers who face the challenge of parents who are living longer.
The Nursing Home Administrator: Learn more about nursing home matters from Matthew Maupin, who writes about topics ranging from diseases to tech tools.

Tags: deathcare, Hospice, nursing homes, Palliative care
Posted in Caregivers, Death & Dying, Grief and Grieving, Hospice, Hospice Basics, Patients, Traditions | 2 Comments »

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