Archive for the ‘Funeral Eulogies’ Category

You Can Celebrate Your Life at Bcelebrated.com

Monday, October 5th, 2009

Bcelebrated.com

Bcelebrated.com

Although some people don’t like to think about death, a chronic condition or some near-death experience often alters those views. Brushing up against the grim reaper often motivates people to look at the brighter side of life and to think about how their deaths might affect others. Often, such a profound experience forces some individuals to develop a deeper sense of introspection.

Such was the case with Barbara Houston, who stated, “one of the greatest gifts of my life was getting Cancer…It didn’t change who I am. It just helped me discover other sides of myself. I also discovered more about the people around me. For the first time I can remember I was the one in need. I had to rely on others. I had to not only accept help, but at times I had to reach out and ask for it directly. That has been a real challenge for me. It’s taken courage to do it.”

Barbara left that journal entry online at Bcelebrated. com, a site where anyone can document their life as they live it, knowing their words and images will automatically be shared with friends, family and community when they pass away. Members can journal their life by adding stories, visuals and music to an autobiographical memorial website. Members’ contacts are automatically notified by email and invited to visit the member’s site. Friends and family have the opportunity to read his or her life story, share comments, donate to a charity selected by the member, and visit a private page that was created especially for them.

The ability to document this information is not free. Currently, the cost is a few pennies under $100 for a lifetime membership. The site also offers a 30-day free trial and a $19.95 annual membership.

But, the cost may be small for those who are not familiar with building Web sites and who often are provided the task of documenting a loved one’s life after that loved one has died. You may pay someone more than $100 to pull information together for you, such as a funeral home. Why not do this work yourself and enjoy the process while you’re at it? Geoffrey Dunn stated his fascination with Bcelebrated this past month when he wrote:

Since I’m a writer and archivist, I was placed in charge of getting all of their [loved ones] remembrances together, of selecting photos for their memorials and death notices, selecting music for their services, counseling the family about interment options and other matters related to these deaths.

It was a daunting task. I always wondered what photos these deceased friends and family members would have wanted selected, what music, what parts of their lives they would have wanted shared. In one instance a 93-year-old friend handed me a note in the hospital and asked me to complete a final task for him. I could not read his handwriting. I was blessed to be asked, but burdened by the possibilities and uncertainties.

Then, this past summer I discovered a remarkable new web site called BCelebrated. I realized immediately this site was the perfect cyber-age tool to eliminate much of the trauma and challenges that I had personally faced, both directly and as a support person, in recent years.

Debra Joy, CEO of Bcelebrated, stated, “When death comes – and it does for us all, the process of contacting everyone who knows you and presenting your life in the form of obituaries and public memorials will be left to others…unless you do it yourself. Bcelebrated allows you to define your own legacy, and will save your loved ones from the grief of coping with the small details of your life that, perhaps, only you would know.”

Bcelebrated allows users to design a template, biography, photo gallery, private pages for such items as notes to loved ones or an obituary that you want published and contacts. But, you are not finished until you add “activators,” which allow Bcelebrated to automatically send emails to your contacts when they receive notification of your death. Bcelebrated also provides loved ones with phone numbers for those who do not have email.

When your contacts are notified, they can log into Bcelebrated.com to read your last wishes and to post memorial information. They cannot gain access to your site to make changes, so you can rest assured knowing that your information is yours – not written by someone who may want to alter your life as you knew it.

You also can rest assured that Deathcare.com did not receive compensation for touting this site to our readers. We just think – for the price – that this is one way to help our readers take responsibility for end-of-life celebrations and decisions. Who knows you better than you, after all?

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Presidential Eulogies

Wednesday, September 2nd, 2009
President George W. Bush his eulogy for President Gerald Ford during a national funeral service.

President George W. Bush his eulogy for President Gerald Ford during a national funeral service.

When President Barack Obama delivered his eulogy for Senator Ted Kennedy during the senator’s funeral this past weekend, he was not the first president to deliver a eulogy. Some of the most poignant eulogies for fallen politicians and extraordinary citizens were delivered by previous presidents over the past quarter century, including Ronald Reagan, Gerald Ford and George W. Bush.

Authors Karlyn Kohrs Campbell and Kathleen Hall Jamieson call the presidential eulogy a “national” response to a national loss in their book, Presidents Creating the Presidency: Deeds Done in Words. The authors state that state that the national eulogy is a comparatively recent presidential genre that addresses the nation about the meaning of events that have shaken the citizenry…

Like the inaugural, the national eulogy is a type of epideictic discourse in which performance – proper execution – is vital. If this rhetorical act is done well, the president amasses rhetorical capital to create a reservoir of respect and gratitude that can be used to buttress other initiatives – legislative or military initiatives, for example.

This is why the recent presidential eulogies might be interesting for students of political history to study, as the eulogy in this case may be both politically motivated and it can bring insight into how a presidency viewed deaths and incidents that shook the nation at any given time.

The following list provides some insight into the words and incidents that prompted a few recent U.S. presidents to deliver eulogies, and a eulogy delivered by Abraham Lincoln in 1852 – eight years before he became the nation’s sixteenth president. The links lead to the words for these speeches so you can get a glimpse into the substance of these national eulogies. When an individual is not linked, this means we did not discover the words for the eulogy online.

  • Former President George W. Bush eulogized former presidents Ronald Reagan (2004), for the Columbia Astronauts (2006) and for Gerald Ford (2007).
  • Former President Bill Clinton offered eulogies for former President Richard Nixon (1994), Supreme Court Justice William Brennan, Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin (1995), for the government workers who died in the Oklahoma City bombings [PDF notes] (1995) for Pamela Harriman, an ambassador and Democratic activist (1997).
  • Former President Jimmy Carter eulogized former Vice President Hubert Humphrey (1978) and for the American Servicemen Killed in Iran (1980).
  • Former President Richard Nixon eulogized former President Dwight Eisenhower (1969). He also delivered eulogies for Illinois Senator Dirksen (1969), NASW (National Association of Social Workers) President Whitney M. Young, Jr. (1971)*, and for the first Director of the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI), J. Edgar Hoover.
  • Abraham Lincoln offered his eulogy to statesman Henry Clay (1852). One of the reasons behind this early eulogy could be the fact that Clay was from Kentucky, he was a friend with Lincoln, he died in Washington, DC, and he was the first person to lie in state in the United States Capitol.

* On March 11, 1971, Young drowned while swimming with friends in Lagos, Nigeria, where he was attending a conference sponsored by the African-American Institute. President Nixon sent a plane to Nigeria to pick up Young’s body and traveled to Lexington, Kentucky to deliver the eulogy at Young’s funeral.

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How to Write a Eulogy

Friday, August 28th, 2009
Think of writing as small blocks of information to be delivered as a whole.

Think of writing as small blocks of information to be delivered as a whole.

My mother already has written her obituary, because she’s afraid that someone will mess that little piece of writing up and she won’t be around to correct it. But, she can’t write my eulogy for her, a task that could fall on my shoulders if I’m around when she passes on. You see, she can write what she wants in her obituary; however, she cannot write what I would want to say about her once she’s gone. The eulogy belongs to the person who delivers it, not to the deceased.

With that said, you might wonder how I would write that eulogy. Basically, the eulogy – which is a speech about the deceased’s positive attributes delivered from the deliverer’s perspective – is written just like any other speech. It has a beginning, a middle and an end. All three parts of the eulogy may take a few hours or days to write, only because writing is difficult for many people and because you do need to do a bit of research. But, it only takes five to ten minutes to deliver a eulogy.

So, you can think of a eulogy like you would a big meal that takes hours to prepare but only minutes to devour. Within that analogy, you can prepare your eulogy like you would prepare a meal. You know that you want an appetizer, a main dish and a dessert. This may help you organize your eulogy in chronological order. Additionally, as you’ll see below, the meal can be broken down further to help you organize other information.

For the appetizer, you might want to choose a quote, poem or text from a famous person that best describes the deceased for you. Not only will this appetizer help fill a void that many novice writers face – writer’s block – it also can help you determine the overall theme for the eulogy. Plus, the quote or text can provide contrast for the rest of the eulogy. For instance, a funny quote could provide a nice entry into a heartbreaking eulogy. Or, a somber quote may lead into an amusing perspective on how the deceased lived his or her life.

The main meal is divided into three sections – the main dish and two side dishes. To organize this meal, you’ll want to know many things about the deceased, such as:

  • The deceased’s vital statistics, such as birth date, age, etc.
  • Family names and other close relationships
  • The deceased’s education, his or her work or career information
  • Hobbies or special interests
  • Where the deceased lived
  • Special accomplishments

You may never use all the above information, but the sheer volume of that information can be pared down to highlights. Pick one main point that stands out for you and embellish it. That would be the main dish. Pick two other “side dishes” that will complement the main dish, and you have the middle of your eulogy.

Finally, the dessert, or the end of the eulogy. While the dessert is unlike the appetizer in many ways, it is part of a circle – the end of a full text (or meal). So, bring the eulogy back to the beginning and end it with the same tone and – to make it even easier for you – with a paraphrase of the same information you used to lead into the eulogy.

As you go along, practice what you have written. This practice can help you to remember what you have written, and this recitation also can help you time your eulogy. But, be warned – it can take a lot of writing to fill five minutes’ worth of time. At the same time, you can realize why all that information-gathering is so important, as you may need it to embellish that meal a bit more.

Most importantly, write in your own voice. In other words, write the way you talk. This method may help you to voice your information about the deceased in a more natural manner and the task won’t seem so intimidating. Plus, you’ll want to think about the deceased and the relationship you had with him or her. Add information about where and how you met, things you did together along with the moments that stand out for you. Finally, talk about the things you will miss most about the deceased when you realize that person no longer will share in this life with you.

This is why my mother can not write my eulogy for her, because I will write about what my life means without her. And, if I pass on before she does, she may write about what her life might mean without me. No matter how much we would like to speak for each other in life, the eulogy can provide a vehicle for the survivor to speak from love uninterrupted.

For more tips on writing eulogies, visit How to Write a Eulogy at Speech Topics Help or an even easier way to write a eulogy at WikiHow.

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What is a Eulogy?

Thursday, August 27th, 2009
Leading the mourning.

Leading the mourning.

Did you know that eulogies often were written in high praise or commendation of a person? Today, eulogies most often are associated with funerals, but the word derives from the Greek eu, meaning a combination of “good” or “well” and “true” or “genuine” and logy, or a termination of nouns referring to writing. The eulogia in the Greek Orthodx Church was a blessing. Today, the eulogy is known as a speech or writing in honor of a deceased person.

Before the death connotation, the elegiac was made popular in Greece. The elgiac refers to a composition with a Classical meter of two lines, making it a couplet. The first line is dactylic hexameter, followed by a line of dactylic pentameter. This type of poetic form dates back nearly as far as the epic, and one of the greatest first elegiac poets was Philitas of Cos. Often, the elegiac poetic form praised a person who was alive at the time of the writing.

This Hellenistic poetic form spread throughout ancient Europe, and Sextus Aurelius Propertius, an Italian who died about 15 BC wrote four books of elegies in Latin, totaling 92 poems. One example:

Cynthia prima suis miserum me cepit ocellis,
contactum nullis ante cupidinibus.

“Cynthia first captivated wretched me with her eyes,
I who had never before been touched by Cupid.” (I.1.1-2)

Over time, the elegy became a poem written in mourning. The eulogy, however, was transformed from a speech or writing in praise of a person or thing to a tribute to a deceased individual, and it never became a poem. Eulogies still can be delivered at births and at weddings, so the term can be very confusing. This is a list of things that are not eulogies:

  • Eulogies are not elegies, as eulogies are speeches, whereas elegies are poems.
  • Eulogies also are not obituaries, which are published biographies that recount the life of the dead.
  • Eulogies also are not obsequies, the latter referring generally to rituals that surround funerals.
  • Eulogies are not dirges, which are mournful songs that express grief.
  • Eulogies are not encouraged by every religion. Catholic priests are not permitted to present a eulogy in place of a homily for the deceased during a funeral Mass.

This is what a eulogy is about:

  • Eulogies can praise a living person (during celebrations such as birthdays, weddings, retirements, etc.), but many people today do not associate the term “eulogy” with the living.
  • Eulogies often are spoken to the living who are severely ill or close to death in order to express words of love and gratitude before that person dies.
  • Eulogies most often are delivered by family members or close friends during a funeral.
  • Eulogies also can be called a “panegyric,” or a formal public speech, or “(in later use) written verse, delivered in high praise of a person or thing, a generally highly studied and discriminating eulogy, not expected to be critical. It is derived from Greek meaning a speech ‘fit for a general assembly.’”

Do you need to write a eulogy for a deceased loved one? Don’t panic – you don’t need to be a poet to write a eulogy. In the next post, you’ll learn how a eulogy is constructed and the content you might use for that speech.

Posted in Death & Dying, Funeral Arrangements, Funeral Eulogies, Grief and Grieving, History of Funerals, Traditions | 1 Comment »