Posts Tagged ‘funeral’

Cheap Caskets: What are the Options?

Sunday, May 3rd, 2009

Do you want a traditional funeral, but are you forced to purchase a traditional coffin? Are you forced to purchase what the funeral home has to offer? Will a funeral home accept your alternative low-cost option?

The answers to the above questions are no, no and yes. In the past, the only way to purchase a coffin was directly through a funeral home. Today, under a U.S. federal law, 16 CFR Part 453 (known as the Funeral Rule), if a family provides a casket they purchased elsewhere, the establishment is required to accept the casket and use it in the services. If the casket is delivered direct to the funeral home from the manufacturer or store, they are required to accept delivery of the casket. The funeral home may not add any extra charges or fees to the overall bill if a family decides to purchase a casket elsewhere.

The following list provides you with some options for cheap caskets. This list is in order by cost, from least expensive to most expensive.

Cardboard Coffins: While some companies focus on developing cardboard coffins for cremation or natural burials, the cost is unknown (most of these companies won’t post their prices on the Internet). But, if you want a simple cardboard coffin for someone who wants to be cremated, why not choose something from a list like this? Cost: About $50.00

Before you make the decision to purchase a Halloween coffin for cremation, make sure you purchase a coffin that is somewhat sturdy and that doesn’t contain plastics, metals or other materials.

Attar Burial Shroud: This shroud was designed by a woman who has assisted with burials for over twenty years. This shroud is meant for use for woodland or traditional burial or for cremation. Cost: $245.00

Burial shrouds are becoming more popular, and they are acceptable for any funeral service. However, some graveyards may not allow a shroud-only burial, depending upon their rules and regulations for burials.

Ark Wood Caskets: Absolutely no metals, plastics, stains, varnishes, or oils are used in these casket kits, and their glue contains no formaldehyde. To help restore America’s forests, this company plants a tree for every casket purchased. Unknown if a funeral home would assemble an ordered casket. $599.00 plus shipping.

This company is just one of many that makes simple wood caskets, even the age-old pine box. The prices across the board are very similar to Ark, so you might want to find a company near you to lower shipping costs.

Cost Factors for Hardwood Caskets

Thursday, April 9th, 2009

Wood caskets have been around for a long time, and many wood caskets make some funerals an environmental affair. The amount of benefit to the environment, however, would depend upon whether the casket was placed in a vault or not. Wood caskets are ideal for cremation when the crematory requires the body to be encased in a rigid container.If you think you’d like to purchase a hardwood casket, there are several factors you might consider. These issues will determine the cost of your casket:

Lumber Cost: Main labor costs are harvesting and milling the lumber. And, if you choose a wood that is not native to America, you will need to factor transportation costs. Mahogany, for instance, comes from Eastern Africa, not from New Jersey. Some scarcer woods, such as walnut, also will add to the cost of a casket. Take into consideration the grade of lumber, as the higher the grade, the higher the cost.

Wood Thickness: Caskets usually vary in thickness from four quarters to twelve quarters. Most caskets are four quarters thick and higher-end caskets tend to be the thickest. If you’re not familiar with a “quarter,” it equals one-quarter inch.

Shell Design and Corners: The shell design of a casket means the outer hardwood ’shell’ of the container. There are many shell designs to choose from, ranging from very plain to very ornate. The latter include roping, carved molding and intricate corners. Corners, in some cases, are priced separately. The more ornate a shell and its corners, the more expensive the pricetag.

Finish: The highest-valued finish on a hardwood casket is the hand-rubbed or -polished finish that is glossy and that highlights the wood’s beauty. Other finishes include satin and gloss.

Interiors: The fancier the casket interior, the higher the price. Fabrics such as crepe, velour, linen and velvet are used. The least expensive fabric often is velvet, whicl the most expensive is satin. Additionally, styles can add to the cost. Styles include ruffled, tufted or tailored interiors with a variety of colors to choose from.

Hardware: Hardware on caskets includes lugs, arms, bars and bar tips. These features support weight, but they also are decorative. The material, design and finish all contribute to the cost of a casket. Plating for metal parts tends to be pricey. Painted finishes may be the least expensive.

Features: Caskets can come with special features. The more features in a casket, the higher the price. For instance, some caskets may feature a “Memory Drawer,” a drawer built into the casket to hold small personal items to accompany the deceased.

Hospice Care, Funerals and Cemeteries on Twitter

Monday, March 30th, 2009

Do you use Twitter? If not, you probably wonder what the Twitter fuss is all about. If you’re using Twitter, you may think that those who don’t use it just don’t “get it.” Whether or not you use Twitter, you might be surprised to learn that this social media tool has penetrated the death care industry. And, unlike the morbid specters you think you might encounter, these folks are – well – they’re alive and ordinary, with hobbies, families and stories to tell.

We let our fingers go walking through Twellow, the Twitter “Yellow Pages” to discover death care industry folks who are using Twitter. While the numbers weren’t astronomical, we don’t doubt that these figures may change as more death care businesses realize this social media tool’s commercial potential. We only chose a few links from Twellow’s search results to provide you with a taste of what you can encounter on Twitter.

The list below is categorized under the search word we used to find these links, and the links are arranged alphabetically under those categories. This method assures our readers that we do not favor one resource over another; however, we did skip over business-to-business accounts to offer Twitter users who focus on non-industry readers.

Hospice

  1. ctsinclair: Hospice & Palliative Medicine Doctor in Kansas City. Co-editor of Pallimed, a hospice and palliative medicine blog.
  2. hvto: This is Robin Watts, founder of first hospice volunteer training online course. Learn more at Hospice Volunteer Training.
  3. MyCareManager: Edward L. De La Loza is a psychotherapist and geriatric care manager. His interests include hospice, aging and eldercare among other things. His Web site is My Family Care Manager.
  4. SanDiegoHospice: San Diego Hospice and The Institute for Palliative Medicine is a “non-profit leader in the relief of pain and suffering.” Learn more at their Web site.
  5. StAnnsHospice: This user’s name is Catherine Williams, and she is the Director of Fundraising and Communications for St Ann’s Hospice in Manchester, UK.

Funeral

  1. buryorburn: Scott Gilligan is the “Funeral Maverick,” fighting big business death. He mainly posts about his blog entries at his Web site.
  2. funeralogues: Here’s an offbeat Twitter find: One woman off-Broadway show that is a darkly comedic look at the inside of funeral homes, funeral rituals and one woman’s personal obsession with death. Visit the official Web site.
  3. funeralplanner: Funeral planning and resource guide. The Web site is called the Funeral Planning Guide.
  4. funeralqueen: This is Muneerah Warner, funeral director of Warner Funeral Home and Publisher of Funerals Today Magazine, a new publication for individuals interested in funerals and an inside look at the funeral industry
  5. Otrib: Free obituary and funeral planning help and grief support forums and chat rooms at their Web site.

Cemetery and Cemeteries

  1. cemeteryminda: Minda Powers-Douglas is a writer who digs cemeteries (”not literally”). She edits Epitaphs Magazine (The Cemetery Club is Epitaph Magazine’s online venue) and teaches workshops.
  2. CemeterySpot: Hal Stevens is an author of books about end-of-life issues and owner of Web sites that provide free online memorials and free buy/sell cemetery plot services. His main site is named, aptly, Cemetry Spot.
  3. JewishGYrabbit: Schelly Dardashti is part of an international team that writes about Jewish cemeteries, news, burial, mourning, symbols and more at the Jewish Graveyard Rabbit.
  4. RivCem: The historic Riverside Cemetery Conservancy goes online to help “preserve the past for the future.”
  5. southerngraves: ‘S. Lincecum’ is an amateur historian, avid reader, genealogist and family historian, lover of cemeteries, and scrapbooker with a Web site to prove cemetery interests.

Go ahead and give Twellow a whirl. However, if you try “green funeral,” “cremations,” “body donation” or “grief management” you won’t find one tweet (an entry made by a person who uses Twitter). But, if you’re patient for a week or so, you may discover that a business or two will fill those niches.

Online Asset Management before Death

Monday, March 16th, 2009

What happens to Web assets when you die?

Many topics about death care cover tangible items such as hospice, health, burials and funerals. And, almost everyone concerned with a death also is concerned with wills and asset management. Tangible assets include homes, property and other things you can touch and see. But, what happens to a person’s Web assets when they die?The BBC touched on this subject in 2004, Forbes in 2006, and TechRadar picked it up in 2008. Another blogger touched on the subject of email last year as well. They all ask the questions, ”What happens to all this Web stuff when you die?”

If you purchased domain names, Web hosting and other online “properties” such as memberships, then you have assets that may be worth money. If you own an online business, or if you have integrated an online presence with a bricks-and-mortar business, then you should take these assets into account. Don’t leave a mess for your loved ones, especially if your online information is private or worth some cash.

Things change over time, and these changes include laws that pertain to copyright, online information and access to that information if you do not own it. So, we’ve compiled a list that we hope will remain pertinent for a few years. If you own online assets and you follow the tips listed below, then your successors might appreciate you even more after death. Even better, this list might help you organize your life for better efficiency now:

  • The BBC article listed three Websites that might have helped folks with death care management back in 2004. However, only one of those three Web sites mentioned in that article remain viable today. If you want to use online mediums to account for your Web presence, you might also include actual paperwork in a will in case that Web site dies and takes your information with it.
  • The key word above is “will.” If you don’t have a will, make one now. And, if your online assets change over time, then you can either change your will or add a codicil, or supplement, to that will.
  • Name an executor and make sure that person has total access to your death documents, including online access (user names and passwords), once you die. Some sites may remain online forever until they are deleted. Other sites may shut down the site as soon as a monthly or weekly payment has not been met. It’s important to point to those latter sites so the executor can pay to attend to them immediately upon your death.
  • Pay attention to terms of service (TOS) for each site, hosting service or memberhips, as they may change. Additionally, you may learn that, even though your executor has your information, it may be illegal for that person to enter your site. When possible, print out the TOS and attach your user name and password to that TOS along with any special instructions. You can alter these items at any time, as long as you include them with your will and other death care documents.
  • Clean up your life…if you don’t want certain emails or documents read after your death, then why are you holding on to them? If it’s a matter of legal liability, then print them out, back them up on a disk, and forward them to an email address that will hold personal or sensitive items.
  • Social media sites, for all intents and purposes, are you – and few people will want those sites once you’re gone (unless you’re famous). With that said, if you have photographs, videos or other personal assets on those sites, then think about using other sites to hold that information. Then, your assets will be organized for easier handling once you’re gone.
  • You also can create a ‘plan of action’ for your social media sites if you die. In some cases, those sites contain many people you’d want to notify about your death. If legally possible, your executor can manage this plan.
  • In many cases, hosting services will eliminate your account upon your death unless an executor notifies that hosting service and transfers your domain within a year. This time frame barely provides enough time for probate and a sale or transfer, but it must be done if that Web site or blog needs to be maintained as part of a business or other venture.
  • If you want your online ‘goods’ such as photos, content and more, to be sold or transferred upon your death, then you might pick a beneficiary who will benefit from that sale or transfer. If you own an online business, think about finding someone who can carry on that business after you die.
  • In keeping with “keeping your ducks in a row,” you might include information about traffic, online income and other pertinent information about your sites so that your sites will be ready for sale when you die. You can learn more about what people want when they purchase a site at Sitepoint.com.
  • Finally, read the other articles mentioned above. Other than the viability of Web sites in those articles, the information is valuable. Some information is contradictory between articles, so that should give you a heads up that information does change over time. Use that information, this list and your knowledge and intuition to lead you down the path that’s right for you and your loved ones.

You may learn that your online assets are worth more than your tangible assets with this exercise. If so, seek the advice of a knowledgeable attorney to guide you through a legacy process. While professional advice may cost you some money on the front end, the money your successors may save (or make) could be worth your efforts.

Superstitions about Death and Dying

Monday, March 2nd, 2009

Fortune CookieDid you shiver when you saw the image at left? You may know, in your head, that the odds of dying on Tuesday are slim to none (we hope!), but superstitions are hard to shake sometimes. A superstition usually is a belief or notion that is not based upon reason or knowledge. Since death is the “great unknown,” death, dying and funerals became prime candidates for superstitious beliefs, even among educated people. Many superstitions, if believed across a wide range of population for a period of time, may become rituals.

The following superstitions, just a handful of hundreds of irrational beliefs about death and dying, have fallen by the wayside in many cases, but you might recognize a few that people still abide by today. For instance, do you know why you wear black to funerals? You’re simply following a tradition based upon an old superstition. Read on to learn more…

  • Pall bearers once wore gloves to handle caskets, as it was believed that the spirit of the deceased could enter the pall bearers’ bodies through their hands.
  • Some people grasp a button on their clothing when passing a hearse, as it is believed that the button will help that person stay “connected” to life rather than death.
  • The tradition of wearing black during a funeral began when it was firmly believed that the color black makes the living less visible to the spirit world.
  • On the other hand, if a person is buried in black, that person will return to haunt the family.
  • A bird that flies into the window of a house and dies is a horrible omen. This means some family member of that household soon will die. At one time, people believed that birds held human spirits.
  • Mirrors were thought to hold great power, so covering them with black crepe or velvet or turning the mirror toward the wall became habit for those who believed that the spirit of the deceased could enter the mirror and then enter the body of the next person to look into that mirror.
  • Family members and friends were encouraged to touch or kiss a corpse. It was (and still is) believed in many regions that touching the corpse prevents a person from dreaming or obsessing about the deceased. This touch often does help the living realize that a loved one is gone.
  • Many families would stop a clock in the house to indicate the passing of a loved one. After the funeral, the clock would be re-started to indicate a new phase in that family’s life.
  • Some people still hold their breath when passing a cemetery. The reason? To avoid breathing in the spirits of those buried at that cemetery.
  • Although the firing of guns at military funerals is seen as a sign of respect, this tradition may have its roots in the superstition that the ringing bells and shooting guns works to scare away other ghosts at the cemetery.

How to Write an Obituary

Monday, February 16th, 2009

During the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries, newspaper obituaries were flowery affairs and often contained poems and quotes. The writers would eulogize the deceased in terms that often described angels, even when some knew that that person was far from angelic. Today, price and space limit the obituary to a matter-of-fact short blurb that barely allows the family to let others know about the deceased’s character.

With such limited newspaper space and budget limitations for paid obituaries, it is important to learn how to write an obituary so you provide others with the information they need to help memorialize the dead easily. Obituaries, then, become mini-biographies that form a memorial, but that also contain important information for the general public such as time and date of the funeral or memorial service.

Some newspapers offer guidelines for writing obituaries, but many people don’t read these guides during a time of grief. Most funeral homes can provide a guide in the death care process, including the deadlines for publication for your local newspapers. This short guide can help you write an obituary easily and quickly as well:

  1. The journalist follows the five “w” rule, or the “who, what, when, where, why and how” for any news story. While you may not want to include why or how the deceased died or what happened in the meantime, you can use “who, when and where” to let people know who died, when they died, when the funeral will be held and where it will be held. This is the minimum information required for an obituary for it to be useful to others.
  2. To expand upon the above information, you can include any of this information: where and when the person was born, where they lived throughout their life, notable awards and times in their life, important hobbies, and where that person attended school.
  3. You can include the survivors, including parents, spouses, children and any other special individuals. Some individuals may or may not want to be recognized, so consider this and call the individual to ask. Also, divorces are tricky – do you name previous spouses? This decision might be made based upon current relationships between those families.
  4. You can include the pre-deceased within the family. Often, spouses are remembered by adding the adjective, “late” to the name, such as “Howard was married to the late Sophia Garrett Jones.” Including the spouses maiden name is nice for genealogists, but not absolutely necessary for inclusion.
  5. For those who prefer donations rather than flowers to memorialize the departed, make this information perfectly clear at the very end of the obituary. Include information such as an address or phone number for donations in memory of the deceased.

If you need more details, you can view this excellent guide on how to write obituaries. The writer includes some examples that are easy to follow and a template that makes writing an obituary very easy.

Finally, if you’re still stumped or too overcome with grief to write the obituary, find the family historian now, before you need to write anything. Most family historians (genealogists) have more information on hand than you probably could find within days, and they usually have a grasp on how to write an obituary. Most family historians feel honored when asked to help during a time of need, so let them carry the load for this task during your time of grief if possible.

Ten Topics for Last Wishes

Monday, December 8th, 2008

If you’ve ever been involved with planning someone’s funeral, you might understand the difficulties with planning arrangements at the last moment. The words are more difficult to write for the eulogy or for the obituary, the flowers seem too obnoxious because too many were ordered, and the casket became far too expensive, because the family wanted the best.

But, what did the deceased want? If you don’t want to burden your family through these difficulties when you die, then you can pre-plan your funeral now as you determine your last wishes. You can put your preferences in writing and provide copies for family members, your attorney and to the funeral home. Don’t designate your preferences in your will, because that will may not be read until after the funeral. Also, don’t put the only copy of your preferences in a safety deposit box, as your family may need to make arrangements on a weekend or holiday, on days when that bank is closed. Also, upon death, these boxes are sealed and they are opened only to those whose name appears on the contract.

Other reasons to pre-plan (not necessarily prepay) your funeral include:

  • To learn more about the funeral industry and to increase your knowledge about funeral planning terms and arrangements;
  • To understand costs and implications of planning a funeral;
  • To become aware of rules and laws regarding funerals and burials;
  • To understand funeral and burial alternatives; and,
  • To become a better consumer in planning a funeral

What do you want on your list of funeral arrangements? Perhaps the following list will help you get started, but your list can be as simple or as elaborate as you like. Additionally, these topics are ongoing, as life changes alter what you want. Marriage, other deaths, the addition of children or moves to other states or countries will modify your final wishes. But, when you spend time on these topics with loved ones, you may learn more about yourself and your loved ones – a wish that you can enjoy while you’re still alive.

  1. Burial Plans: A traditional funeral, including a casket and vault, costs about $6,000 to $8,000. These costs do not include ‘extras’ such as released balloons, doves, flowers and more. While your family may want some extras to commemorate you, you might decide to allow them to use those extras in a memorial service while you choose a less expensive burial plan. This topic will help you decide if you want to go the traditional route, or if you’d prefer an alternative burial, such as cremation.
  2. PrePayments: If you’ve decided upon your funeral option, do you want to prepay or do you want to use your insurance, bank account or trust account to pay upon your death? Keep in mind that through time, with prepayment, prices may go up and businesses may close or change ownership. Further, in some areas with increased competition, prices may go down over time. Finally, as you age, you may decide to change your funeral plans. Depending upon your arrangements, that prepayment option may not be transferable.
  3. Funeral Arrangements: While funeral arrangements can be made along with burial plans, often people decide to seperate the burial from the funeral by asking for alternatives. For a traditional funeral service, the body is present. A traditional funeral service usually includes visitation and funeral followed by burial or entombment; a funeral service with cremation following the service; or graveside services. A nontraditional service includes anything that deviates from the traditional service, and may include a nonreligious ceremony, a memorial service or another type of celebration. A memorial service usually indicates the body is not present. Memorial services are common for those who want to practice a full-body donation to science.
  4. Dying Away from Home: When you decide upon your funeral and burial plans, make sure that all documents contain information about what might happen if you die away from home. In many cases, extra costs for shipping the body to a funeral home may occur. Funeral homes may provid “professional courtesies” to other funeral homes out of state, so families should contact the funeral home in the state where the funeral service will be held. If you have donated your body to a state research facility, they may not accept your body if you die out of that state.
  5. Seek Financial Assistance: In some states, individuals can set aside money for funeral/burial expenses, and some states may allow that fund to remain tax-free. Do some research in your state through funeral homes or attorneys to discover what you can save or set aside for your plans.
  6. Body Disposal Expenses: If you don’t know where you would like to be buried, now’s the time to make that decision. A traditional burial requires a full plot and you have more than one option for a headstone if desired. A cremation may require only a partial plot, depending upon the cemetery and local laws. The second option has become more desirable for couples who wish to cut costs on burial plots. Ashes also can be scattered. You can research various options, costs and legal boundaries with this option. Remember that cemetery expenses, just as burial and funeral expenses, will change over time.
  7. Write an Obituary: This is a great way to learn more about yourself, and a wonderful way to involve the family. Basically, an obituary is a very short biography, which includes who you are, what you do, when and where you died (you can leave this blank for now!), your relationships to closest family members, predeceased family members, and when and where your services will be held (another item that can be left blank). You may also want to include special wishes, such as donations to charity rather than flowers. Begin by looking at obituaries in the paper or online and picking a few that you like. Use them as templates to write your own story.
  8. Bequests: Who will be your beneficiaries, and how much will you leave? Sometimes this exercise can help you muster the will to work harder and save more so you can leave behind a legacy that everyone either loves or can fight over.
  9. Traditional Will: The traditional will outlines how and how much you want to leave behind to others, wishes for your property and naming guardian(s) for your minor children. Can you make a will without an attorney? The answer depends on your situation. If you’re like most people, you won’t need a lawyer, but check with state laws where you reside to be assured about your situation.
  10. Living Will: Living wills and a health care “power of attorney” forms allow you to express your preferences regarding your medical treatment, should you become unable to communicate your wishes due to illness or permanent unconsciousness. They also allow you to designate a person who can make end-of-life care decisions on your behalf. This topic should be discussed with family, so you don’t present any surprises when you’re unable to communicate. Some state laws may modify how you write this document, so be sure to check with those laws to make sure you abide by them otherwise, you might not get what you wish for.

What Do Dying People Need?

Tuesday, November 18th, 2008

What Dying People Need

One of my aunts died last year, and – fortunately – my uncle was willing to talk about her death. I learned from him how she viewed her world as she was dying. I also learned about what she needed to leave this world in peace.

Although the information below was specific to my aunt, some items in this list probably are universal. And, although she didn’t die suddenly and had time to finalize many wishes, this list can serve as a reminder that many individuals do die suddenly, with little time to accomplish goals. Therefore, this list can serve as a template for anyone who wants to leave a promising legacy.

  • Settling Finances: If you’ve been frugal during your life, this goal might not be difficult to accomplish. If your finances are in disarray, you might take a look at how you can straighten them out so that you don’t leave behind problems for loved ones. Find a financial adviser to help you with your goals, and learn more about how to leave money to your beneficiaries. The best time to accomplish this task is when you’re feeling healthy.
  • Find an Advocate: My aunt’s husband was her advocate, as he was able to represent her to her doctors and hospice care workers when she couldn’t represent herself. The advocate needs to know your wishes for treatment, how you want to end your days and to talk for you if you are unable to communicate. This person will enable you to manage any pain, to support you at the end of life and to help you die with dignity.
  • Establish an Ethical Will: In an ethical will, you can say how and where you want to die, and under certain medical circumstances. This will enables your advocate to argue your case with doctors and even with lawyers. In this will, you can describe your funeral (which you can pay for in advance) and leave last messages (your financial will manages your bequeaths).
  • Ignorance is Not Bliss: My uncle and his wife learned everything they could about her illness so they could prepare for the future. He went so far as to learn about the signs of death from her hospice care so he could recognize when the end of her life was imminent. To say that this made the end of her life that much more intimate to them both would be an understatement.
  • Make Amends: My aunt was feisty. There were some people she could forgive…and forget totally. Some people aren’t that lucky. If you have battles that keep you awake at night, you might want to settle them now. If you’ve hurt others and you know about it, ask them how that hurt can be healed. If others have hurt you, talk with them about it and be gracious in your responses. The point is to leave this life with dignity and in peace.
  • Reach Out: Professionals are available to help you and your family members talk about death and dying. These guides can be found in funeral homes, hospices, psychology offices, churches and hospitals. They have been trained to know what the dying person needs, including hope, faith and encouragement within the context of the situation, lessons about stress and grief management. Death, no matter if sudden or slow, is a powerful tool that can be wielded by the dying and mismanaged by the family. Guides can help to cut through barriers to help those who want to move past the anger and sadness that can permeate their lives.
  • Safety and Support: A dying person can feel very vulnerable, and safe environments are tantamount to their well-being. These environments are physical, but they also can be emotional and psychological – they need to feel safe to discuss sensitive issues and to reveal raw emotions with loved ones and with others. Some cancer patients and their families, for instance, can find solace in groups filled with individuals with similar illnesses.
  • Physical Care: My aunt, even in the last stages of her illness, wanted to feel “whole” and strong. She would take walks and try to keep up with chores and her daily routines. Her husband knew not to interfere. When she became bedridden, she finally allowed him to take on her part of the work. Part of her insistence in carrying on “as usual” was to face death with pride. On the other hand, physical activity helped her to maintain a positive attitude, as these activities helped her to avoid thinking about the end of her life.

When my aunt did become bedridden, my uncle stopped everything except the daily arrival of the hospice caretakers. My aunt wanted to die at home with her husband, and everyone respected her wishes. My uncle stayed by her side for three nights and days until she died.

My uncle is doing well today. I have no doubt that he has his sad moments, but I believe that the steps that he and his wife took to help her transition from life to death helped them both to face this trial with pride and love. I hope they help you as well.